I haven’t been in the Christmas spirit this year. I haven’t been bringing all the good tidings I could and I’m about half full of cheer. I haven’t been a shiny star atop the tree, defeating my compatriots with my spreadsheets of gifts and Christmas cards.
No, I haven’t had time to even get stamps for my cards, let alone find the address book that contains all off my relatives’ addresses. I haven’t finished decorating my tree. I busted my budget for my mom, dad and brother but have been stumped on what to get my close friends and their families. The Shields stockings remain empty and I will probably remember to get weatherproof booties and catnip mice for my beasts on Christmas Eve.
I make a Christmas list every year for my family, but this year it was so hard. It felt diluted. I tried to make it humorous and a little vague. I just didn’t know how to share what I really wanted.
But what I really want for Christmas is for my dog to be unafraid.
I want Smidge to meet people without becoming fearful. I want her to accept pets and love from all kinds of humans, little ones, big ones, ones she doesn’t know yet. I want her to stop eating her own vomit because she’s afraid she won’t get to eat again if she doesn’t. I want her to be able to meet another dog on the sidewalk without barking or snarling at them to protect herself. I want my dog to feel safe and calm in places that aren’t my arms. I want her to make friends wherever we go. I want to take her to farmer’s markets and picnics and pet stores on a leash with all four paws on the floor without any panic. I want her to enjoy riding in a carrier purse while we run errands together.
I’ve worked hard in 2019 to better my little beast, and I think it shows. She's made progress! I guess what I am asking Santa to bring me this Christmas is a little more time, a little more love and a little more encouragement.
Not to me, but to my Smidge. To my little rescue dog who has seen so much that she can never tell about, to the precious beast that curls up in my bed at night, to one of all God’s creatures great in spirit but small in body: Dear Santa, bring her more courage, bring her more trust, give her the freedom to be fearless, give her the power to feel like a “normal” dog.
Santa, if you can give her those things, maybe you can inspire me to have a little more courage, a little more trust and a little more freedom, too.
