Wednesday April 17th, 2024 9:03AM

Christmas Song Conspiracies

By Bill Maine Executive Vice President & General Manager

Sometimes something can be so familiar that we no longer really notice it. We take it for granted never taking time to consider it with a new perspective. We experience it with such regularity that we become numb to it. Much like making the same drive to and from work every day. We do it so often that when we arrive at either end of the trip, we can’t remember seeing certain landmarks. Then one day buy some strange happenstance, we see it with fresh eyes or ears as is the case with me and some classic Christmas songs.

He ignores the traffic cop while leading a group of impressionable children into the busy downtown area. Was he trying to lead them into the path of an oncoming bus? Then he goes thumpity, thump, thump over the hills of snow in an attempt to allude the officer who had told him to stop. What example is that?

His name raises another question. Was he really given the name Frosty the Snowman or was his last name something like Dillinger or Capone? Perhaps he chose Frosty the Snowman as his supervillain name. I seriously doubt his mail was addressed to F.T. Snowman.

I have similar issues with the kid who saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. He sneaks downstairs on Christmas Eve in an attempt to catch a glimpse of Santa. Nothing wrong with that. Haven’t we all done that?

But then he discovers why Santa is so jolly and why mommy gets such nice presents. So, what does he do? He doesn’t try to break it up or even run to tell his dad. Instead, he holds onto this powerful information. I’m guessing to use it to blackmail mom. Or perhaps to use it as leverage with Santa to get upgraded gifts. I can see him one year later when he visits Santa at the mall. He presents his list to the big guy with a little offer he’s sure Mr. C. can’t refuse. This may backfire on the little larcenist. Remember, Santa has a lot of elves that will do just about anything for him, if you take my meaning.

This could be the very same adorable little tyke who only wants his two front teeth for Christmas. Perhaps the deal he was trying to strike with Santa didn’t go over so well. They may be small, but those elves can really pack a punch. While we’re at it, why would anyone want to say “sister Susie sitting on a thistle” in the first place?

Let’s not hold his mom harmless in this. Cheating on your spouse is not a great Christmas present. I have my suspicions about here as well. I believe once her son told Santa what he saw, the old guy told her that they’d been caught and that he was going to break off the relationship. That’s when she got the idea to use the affair against him. And that’s how the song “Santa Baby” came to be written. Apparently, blackmail runs in the family. Could she be the grandma that got run over by a reindeer?

What does all this mean? Remember, he sees you when your sleeping and knows when you’re awake, which if it were anyone else, would mean a restraining order. But he’s not just anyone. He’s a man with intel and a unique set of skills. So, stay off the naughty list at all costs.  Because when they talk about Santa’s hitlist, they’re not always referring to his favorite songs on Spotify.

 

 

  • Associated Tags: Maine's Meanderings, Mornings on Maine Street
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