Thursday April 25th, 2024 9:09PM

Plunging into Thanksgiving thankfulness

By Bill Maine Executive Vice President & General Manager

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. There aren’t presents that need to be purchased. There’s plenty of food to share with family and friends. Best of all, it is a day we set aside for the purpose of giving thanks for our blessings. At least, that’s what we should do. As I have grown older, I have been more intentional in reflecting on all that God has done for me and continues to do.

Still, when it comes to being thankful, I think we don’t dig deeply enough. If you ask someone what they’re thankful for they’ll run off a list the “usual suspects.” Food, shelter, family and their pets. Although, for some pets may precede family and I’ve known some folks who would have every right to feel that way.  While all of these are certainly worth a daily prayer of thanks, I think we should also consider the little things.

I’m thankful for peanut butter. You could say that it is the best thing since sliced bread, but you’d be wrong. In my opinion, it’s the reason sliced bread was invited. How else could you enjoy a peanut butter and pepper jelly sandwich. It’s the right amount of sweet to heat with protein to boot. Or how about a peanut butter and chocolate chip sandwich. Hey, don’t knock until you try it. It’s dinner and dessert all in one.

I’m glad we humans have opposable thumbs. Not only would tying my shoes be impossible but typing this blog would be even more challenging. I tried just now, but it is tough to remembertohitthespacebar.

I’m glad my skin is waterproof. Otherwise, water weight would be a big issue. I do enjoy SpongeBob, but I don't want to be him.

I’m thankful that our eyes are on the front of our faces. If they were in the back of heads like my kids used to think they were, only bald people would be able to see clearly.

But as I reflect on my blessings, I find myself thankful for the things I am not.

A good example comes from a survey of the most embarrassing Google searches at Thanksgiving. I am glad I am not among those who made some of them. There were the ones that you would expect including how to tell when the turkey is done. Then there were the searches for “how to win an argument”, “how to treat food poisoning” and “divorce.” I’m thinking all three of those could have been from the same Thanksgiving dinner. One thing is for certain, I am thankful that I wasn’t at any of those celebrations.

I am equally thankful that I didn’t attend the Thanksgiving feasts that caused people to search for “racist grandma,” “liquor stores open on Thanksgiving” or “betrayal.” Here again, I have a feeling that all three could have come from the same gathering. But most likely they were generated by many gatherings scattered across the country and that makes me a touch sad. Thankful that it wasn’t me, but sad, nonetheless.

However, I am most thankful that I wasn’t the person who knocked on the door of the internet’s infinite wisdom to ask “how do you unclog a toilet without a plunger.” I have a very ugly picture of someone in extreme panic as the water is rising and there’s no window through which to escape. As we all know, there are only two answers to that question that work. The first is calling a plumber. And the second? Well, let’s just say you’ll need more than hand sanitizer when you get the thing unclogged. I’m thinking they would have been better to search for ways to leave the party without anyone seeing them.  For all the things a smart phone may be—camera, note pad, radio—a plunger it is not.

This scenario also makes me thankful that we don’t have to sign our names to our searches. I know there are ways to trace such things and reams of data out there about what we search and where we surf, but the names behind the searches are not public. What if your name appeared at the end of your query? Folks already suspect I’m a few volts short of a full charge, but I don’t need have it confirmed in such a public fashion.

If there is one take away from this particular search, it is that party hosts should not hide the plunger. We all have one somewhere in the bathroom, usually standing at the ready right by the toilet. Hiding it doesn’t make us think you never have to use it. We don’t think “wow these people are so much better than me, they never need a plunger."  Be human. Leave the plunger in the bathroom. It’ll save your guests from an embarrassing  web search and you from an unwanted post-party project.

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