Thursday April 25th, 2024 11:31AM

Hey, you kids get off my lawn

By Bill Maine Executive Vice President & General Manager

Aging doesn’t have to mean getting old. That sounds contradictive but not in the context of my vocabulary. So, let’s open “Bill’s Big Book of Words” and check some definitions.

Aging: verb. The process of acquiring birthdays via continual trips around the sun and gaining a deeper appreciation of your life and the people that make the world go around.

Old: adjective. Referring to someone who has lived long enough to be mad about everything. Often uses phrases like “You kids get off my lawn!” It is a condition that renders the person tiresome.

While I strive for the former, I feel I am slipping into the latter. Actually, it’s more like I’m being shoved into the latter. Between traffic, government red tape, politicians and people who think they have all the answers (wait those last two are redundant, sorry), I’m starting to hitch my britches way above may waist and mutter things under my breath like “back in my day…”. Ugh!

It’s just not my style nor have I ever wanted it to be. I try to live my life on an even keel. I’m not as laid back as a Jimmy Buffet song, but I try. I have been chastised for not having an opinion or being passionate enough. I try to save my passion for the bedroom and my opinions for close friends who really care about what I might have to say. I have found not living up to other’s expectations, as unrealistic as they may be, isn’t my problem. Disagree with me, that’s fine. Just don’t condemn me because I’m not your clone.

Oh no! I’m doing it. I am letting other people get under my skin. I am no longer quietly typing this out. It is being pounded letter after letter as I start to get cranked up. Before I punch finger-sized holes in my laptop, I should explain what brought this discussion to mind.

I went to a fast food restaurant that I frequent about twice a month. I’m not going to single them out because what happened likely (read “hopefully”) isn’t indicative of the entire chain. I get the same thing every time. It costs $5.66.

Most who know me, know that I don’t carry cash. I use a debit card. It’s just easier and actually keeps me from spending more than I should. I realize that sounds strange, but it works for me. However, on this particular trip I happened to have cash and decided to use it instead. Bad idea.

What happened next is best explained as a word problem.

A customer orders a meal that costs $5.66. The customer has a $20 bill. As he is handing you the cash, he realizes he also has the correct change of 66 cents. Wanting to avoid accumulating more coinage in his console, he hands you the change first. Then the twenty.

What type of change do you give him in return?

Let’s work this out. I got $20.66. That’s like getting four $5 bills and 66 cents. Since the bill is only $5.66, that means he gave me three $5 bills too many. I should give those back, so the answer is $15.

That is unless you think that the handful of change was actually a selection of rare coins given to you as a tip because the customer just happens to know you are a numismatist and need these exact coins to complete your collection.  In that case, give him $14.34 which is exactly what happened! Really?!

Of course, the register should have told her the correct answer. But that is only if you key in the amount given to you by the customer. Apparently my 66 cents was not keyed in because I received $14.34.  That means the register was at least 66 cents over at the end of the day and likely she couldn’t figure out why!

I was so shocked that I just stared blankly as I received the incorrect change before thanking her for overcharging me as I drove away. Midway through the parking lot the rage hit. Suddenly I was yelling about how people just don’t get it anymore. I have worked fast food. I have made change without the benefit of a register. I can do simple math. To quote one of my favorite plays, “The Foreigner,” “it just ain’t that hard, Ellard!”

Crud. There I go again, exclamation points and all. GRRR!!!!! Fighting off the old. Fighting…fighting…fighting.

Okay, so maybe she’s just starting out. It’s her first job. Give her some grace. She’ll get it in time. She’s just a different generation. She’s not used to handling cash, let alone coins. It’s the digital age. You do things with the card all the time. If you had just used the card, you would be mellowed out and staying young. It’s not her, it’s me.

Hmmm … on second thought:

HEY, YOU KIDS, GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!

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