Friday March 29th, 2024 1:11AM

Becoming Super Me

By Bill Maine Executive Vice President & General Manager

Seems we’ve always been fascinated by superheroes. They come in all shapes and sizes from the Hulk to Ant Man and everything in between. Formerly the stuff of just comic books, these guardians of all that’s good soon leapt off the page and into other forms of media. Radio, television, and movies have all given them a stage.

Everyone seems to have a favorite, even those who don’t usually read, view, or otherwise follow the antics of these otherwise regular people who have been endowed—either by nature or by some strange event—with powers and abilities that might be viewed as freakish were they not used in the pursuit of justice. Spiderman is my favorite. His was the only comic to which I actually subscribed. I liked the fact that Peter Parker was your average guy given an extraordinary ability and was constantly trying to balance who he was with what he was called to do. There was more than just “pow”, “biff”, and “wham.” Although there was plenty of that and he handled the worst of the villains with skill and a heathy dose of sarcasm.  But, there was more than that going on in his world. He had to juggle a relationship, school, a job, and the ability to stick to walls at will.  It gave guys like me who were just trying to figure out adolescence hope. If Peter Parker could do all that and not go crazy, then I should have no problem navigating girls, facial hair, and acne without the complications of web-slinging and a skin-tight costume.  

I have read several articles and seen surveys over the years dealing with what superpower people would most like to have. Flying, super strength, being bulletproof, and x-ray vision all make the list. While those would be pretty cool, I read where someone said the ability to speak and understand any language would be their choice. I would have to agree, although some would differ, saying it wouldn’t help you stop a plane from crashing. Though, it sure would make world travel a lot easier.

I’ve been pondering the superpower concept and have decided upon which one I would like to have: Alexa. I know what you’re thinking. How can Alexa, that digital assistant that’s really a sly tool to make impulse buying easier, be a superpower? I could be crass and say, “look what it has done for Amazon,” but that’s too easy.  So hear me out.

Alexa has an answer for every question you ask. She can even handle “how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.” Just ask her and she’ll tell you. Instant access to a seemingly endless supply of information would be a real help. Get in a jam and ask Alexa, “what would MacGyver do?”

Even better, Alexa has skills. She can learn all sorts of things and has a bank of preset abilities that you can activate just by saying, “Alexa enable” followed by the skill you want. So, let’s say you’re in a situation where you need to run really fast. Just say “Alexa, enable faster-than-a-speeding-locomotive skill” and off you go! (Okay, so that skill doesn’t exist, but, at the rate technology is moving, it’ll be here faster than…well a speeding locomotive). You could make it even simpler by having Alexa enable the “Superman skill” and get a bunch of superpowers all at once.

Given Hollywood’s love of superhero movies, I think this concept has real big-screen potential. Our hero, Alexa Man (hmmm need a better name…hey Alexa enable superhero naming skill), acquires his superpower when lightning strikes his house while he’s installing his Alexa Echo. The surge of electricity allows him to always be in touch with Alexa. All he has to do is think his request and the answer/skill is provided.

If this sounds a bit familiar, then you’re showing your age because it is similar to the concept behind the 1969 Disney movie “The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes”. It starred Kurt Russell as a guy who has an accident involving a computer, rain, and a lightning strike. All the knowledge stored in the computer surges into his brain, and he becomes the smartest kid on his college campus. However, knowledge in and of itself isn’t intelligence. Intelligence is putting those facts into action to solve problems and innovate, but I digress.  Seems I’ve written myself into a corner.

Alexa, enable the “the end” skill.

THE END….

(thanks, Alexa)

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