Friday April 26th, 2024 3:30PM

The 12 Months of Christmas

By Bill Maine Executive Vice President & General Manager

Fact: Christmas is celebrated on December 25th.

Fact: There is only one December every year and it consists of only 31 days.

Fact: The 12 Days of Christmas actually start on Christmas Day and runs until January 6, which is known as Epiphany or Little Christmas. This is when we celebrate the arrival of the Magi presenting their gifts to the Christ Child. In fact, this is when the Armenian Church actually celebrates Christmas.

At least that’s the way things used to be. Now it seems December starts about Labor Day.

I am not a Scrooge. I am not a Grinch. I’m not even a curmudgeon. My attitude has pretty much been live and let live. I realize things change with each generation, and I’m cool with that.  I also love Christmas, both the secular and non-secular aspects. The carols, the cookies, the Scripture, and the special church programs truly make the season bright for me.

Now that the qualifiers are out of the way, just when is the season these days anyway?!?

Growing up, we didn’t even think about Christmas until the Thanksgiving turkey was being digested and the leftovers were safely in the freezer ready to make all sorts of exotic dishes later in the winter (i.e. turkey tetrazzini, which I think is Italian for “casserole”). The first sign of the coming celebration at our house was the Advent wreath being placed in the center of the table. Fresh candles and greenery meant the Big Day was drawing close and it was time to prepare.

Back then Christmas was the icing on the cake. These days it seems folks only want icing. Causing me to ask, “Where’s the cake”?  Sure the icing is the best part of the cake but only because there is cake to begin with. You can’t have one without the other. Have you ever heard of someone ordering a birthday icing? “Quick make a wish and blow out the candles on your birthday icing.” If that happens to you, be sure to wish for cake.

These days it starts much earlier. I saw the first signs of Christmas in the stores the week after Labor Day. I’m not really sure why retailers think that by starting earlier I will buy more stuff. If anything, I’ll buy the same amount but just do it earlier. After all how many gifts are you going to give Uncle Irv? Perhaps, they think I’ll forget the nice belt or pack of athletic socks I bought and will return to the store in a panic thinking, “How could I forget Uncle Irv”.

What’s really confusing is walking down an isle of Christmas lights and decorations only to find Halloween candy and costumes on the next one. I recall one Christmas Eve about 20 years ago while on my annual sprint for last-minute gifts, I headed for the candy isle for some chocolate Santas only to find Valentine’s Day candy! Really?! I guess nothing says “I love you” like stale candy.

The way things keep getting pushed back, I won’t be surprised to find Thanksgiving turkeys being stocked in August. I have noticed that no one seems to rush New Year’s Day. Perhaps that’s the one resolution the human race has actually been able to keep.

I can’t blame it all on retailers. We have a part to play in this, too. If we didn’t scoop it up, perhaps they wouldn’t put it out so early and instead stock the shelves with something more useful at the end of summer like sunscreen. But we see it and react accordingly. I’m all for free markets and capitalism, but Christmas in July is supposed to be a joke not a reality. It seems we treat holidays like potatoes: we mash them together.

I realize there are some reading this who don’t understand what I’m talking about. So, as a public service I offer the following tests as way to tell if perhaps you are part of the season mashup.

  • You become agitated if you can’t find any cut trees at the store by Columbus Day.

  • Your friends would rather tailgate before a big college game than go caroling.

  • When you do go caroling, you include “Monster Mash” on the playlist.

  • Your manger scene includes a scarecrow.

  • Your fall display of corn husks and hay bales includes lighted reindeer.

  • You leave candy corn out for Santa….on October 31.

  • Your scarecrow is wearing a Santa hat.

Actually, that last one sounds rather festive…on second thought, slide me that bowl of Trick-or-Treat candy and pour me an eggnog.

Happy Thankmas-o-ween!

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