Believe it or not, many parents and teachers actually praise children too much. Overusing praise encourages children to compare themselves to each other, and can make them more competitive and less cooperative.<br />
<br />
Here's a common example. Tommy and Julie have been working hard painting butterflies at the art table. As the teacher passes by, she says, Tommy! What a beautiful butterfly! I love it!" Tommy beams, but Julie is shocked. She thinks her butterfly is prettier than Tommy's, but clearly the teacher knows best. Julie leaves the art table, concluding that she's just not as good as Tommy at painting butterflies. By praising Tommy's butterfly, the teacher accidentally hurt Julie's feelings and unintentionally implied that her butterfly wasn't as beautiful.<br />
<br />
There are two major types of reinforcement, praise and encouragement, and they're very different. Praise is highly judgmental, and focuses on what the adult feels. Praise statements like "I like the way you helped clean up," I'm proud of you," and "That's a beautiful shirt you're wearing" send a subtle message that the adult's opinion is what matters. Children who receive too much praise tend to do things to please adults, not because they are motivated themselves.<br />
<br />
Encouragement is non-judgmental. Encouraging statements like "It looks like you're proud of your project" and "You used a lot of blue in that painting" point out facts, but do not evaluate them. The teacher might have encouraged Tommy by saying something like, "Tommy, your butterfly is very colorful. You worked really hard on it." The teacher is stating a fact about Tommy's butterfly, but does not imply that it is better than Julie's butterfly. Children who hear encouraging statements usually develop a stronger self-motivation and pride in their work. Encouragement focuses on what they are doing, not what the teacher thinks about their work.<br />
<br />
Here are some reasons why adults should try to encourage children, rather than praise them:<br />
<br />
Encouragement focuses on effort. Adults who encourage children point out how hard they have worked, or how much they have improved. This encouragement helps bolster children's pride in their own work.<br />
<br />
Encouragement sets up children for success. If Logan is learning to read and hears the teacher say that Stormy is a "good reader" (an example of praise), Logan might decide that he'll never be a good reader like Stormy. If the teacher tells Stormy that she is reading bigger words now (an example of encouragement), Logan does not have any reason to believe that he cannot also read big words.<br />
<br />
Encouragement teaches children to evaluate themselves on their own merits. When adults provide children with feedback about what they are doing, the children learn to evaluate themselves without comparing their efforts and successes to those of others. Children who hear encouragement regularly learn that what they think about themselves is more important than what others think.<br />
<br />
Children do need positive reinforcement, but encouragement is more successful than praise at building children's self-esteem, motivation to work, and cooperation with others. The next time you think about telling your child, "You're such a good boy!" try saying instead, "You shared your book. Thank you!" Your children will learn much more, and won't resent you for it.<br />
<br />
Source: University of Georgia Cooperative Extension
