Stress and the Single Parent

Stress is inherent to parenting. As a single parent, you may feel especially vulnerable to the stresses of child rearing. Without a partner to share the load, you may feel overwhelmed as you struggle to meet the needs of your children while still taking adequate care of yourself. Here are some suggestions for managing stress:

Money
Financial problems can be a major cause of stress for single parents. Stretching one income is difficult. Even if you receive child support, it may not cover all of the costs of raising a child. Here are some suggestions for improving your finances:

-Make a plan for increasing your income. Do what is necessary to finish your education, obtain job training, or get a job. Talking with a career guidance counselor may be helpful. Talk over your plan with your children if they are old enough to understand.

- Learn to budget. Keep track of monthly expenses and list the bills that have to be paid. You may see ways to cut costs. Seek budget counseling if you need help with this process.

- Get any child support your children are entitled to. In Georgia, you can call the Office of Child Support Enforcement at 800.227.7993, or call your local Department of Family and Children Services Child Support Enforcement unit.

- Find out if you're eligible for any government program benefits. There may be benefits you can get if you're employed. Check about food stamps, school lunch, housing assistance, medical care, child-care assistance, subsidized counseling or job training.

Everyday living:
-Network with other parents. Seek out other parents in your neighborhood or community. Suggest sharing or trading off responsibilities such as transportation or child care with these parents. Try to build such networks with other parents from child care or school as well.

- Establish routines. Regular meals and bedtimes help protect your and your child's health, and make it easier to be on time for appointments, work, and school.

- Plan ahead. Have a plan for child care when school is unexpectedly closed or your children get sick.

- Find family-friendly employment. If you can, find an employer who understands your situation and is willing to make arrangements when you have a sick child, appointments, or the like.

Caring for your children:
- Set up a discipline plan. Decide ahead of time what punishments should follow what behaviors and make sure everyone knows the rules. Avoid physical punishments -- they will only hurt your children, physically and emotionally. Teach your children that there are consequences for their actions by using discipline and withdrawing privileges. With a plan, you'll be more self-confident and less likely to lash out at your children.

- Anticipate your response to upsetting situations. Plan ahead for what you will do and say if, for example, the other parent disrupts your plans or disappoints the children. Try not to involve your children in angry scenes, and don't force them to take sides.

- Respect your children's individuality. Allow them to make their own decisions about the other parent. Be aware if something about them reminds you of the other parent and makes you especially critical of them. Respect your child's feelings and relationship with the other parent.

Emotional distress:
- Talk to someone. Keep in touch with friends and family. Ask for help when you're feeling overwhelmed. Call a community hotline, social service agency or member of the clergy for names of qualified counselors.

- Find a support group. Make contact with other single parents in your neighborhood, school, or church. People living through similar experiences will be able to give you insight and support.

- Find a new hobby or rediscover an old one. Find something you can do for yourself that helps you relax and feel good.

- Get out of the house occasionally. Visit friends or participate in community affairs. You need to have some time for yourself and contact with people of your own age.

- Stick to routines. This will help you cope with your stress and maintain control, and help your children feel more secure.

Source: Prevent Child Abuse New York, 2005.

Debbie Wilburn is County Agent/Family and Consumer Science Agent with the Hall (770)535-8290 and the Forsyth (770)887-2418 County Extension Service.