Building Family Strengths Part II

As you read about each of these family strengths, decide where your family is already strong. Then identify one area where you want to be stronger. It is probably not a good idea to work on several areas at once; the family might get overwhelmed. Work on developing one identified area at a time.

In addition to using these exercises discussed, you might invite family members to suggest other ways to build strengths in the area that you are working on.

Family Strength 4:
Community And Family Ties
Strong families draw on other people and institutions for support. If they have a hard time dealing with a problem, they are willing to seek outside help. Strong families also tend to be closely involved with the schools, churches, and local organizations that promote the well-being of the community and the individual.

Ties with relatives, neighbors, and friends are especially important. Busy schedules can make it hard to spend time with people outside the family. But relationships can sometimes be kept up by having family members write brief notes. Or the family can make it a special point to visit with certain people.

Helping people in need-in our own extended families, in our neighborhoods, and in our communities-can be very rewarding. A family might choose an elderly person or couple who need help with raking leaves, caring for a lawn or garden, or cleaning or repairing a house. They might read to someone. Or the family might just visit.

Parents can teach their children to become involved citizens. Look for a local, state, or national issue in newspapers, magazines, television newscasts, or radio news. Find out which public officials would be interested in the issue. Write a letter to a city commissioner, school board member, legislator, or even the President! Let each family member, even younger ones, compose his or her own original letter. Save the replies to the letters in a scrapbook.

Family Strength 5:
Working Together
Strong families make decisions, solve family problems, and do family work together. Everyone participates. Parents are the leaders, but the children's opinions and efforts are invited, encouraged, and appreciated. For example, a toddler can be involved with you in grocery shopping. Explain that you need a helper when you shop for groceries. Decide which simple food items the helper can choose, such as cereal or fruit snacks. When you get to the right aisle, give the child a few moments to make a decision. An older child can be taught to use the information on product labels to make decisions. Provide plenty of encouragement for their efforts.

Making real decisions is good practice and can help children grow up to be responsible adults. Children need opportunities to make decisions, to participate in family decisions, and to observe the parents' decision-making process and results.

Children are more apt to carry out their responsibilities if they have some choice as to what those responsibilities are and can see how these particular tasks help the family. Teenagers are more willing to go along on a family vacation if they help decide where to go and what to do. Youngsters are more likely to accept limitations regarding purchases if they have an awareness of the family's financial situation.

Letting children take part in decision-making says to them, "You are important, and what you have to say counts." Many families have found that a family council improves communication and decision-making. The family council is a meeting that gives every member of the family the opportunity to express opinions and ideas, offer compliments or complaints, and most importantly, be listened to.

Family Strength 6:
Flexibility and Openness To Change
All families develop habits, routines, and a set of rules. These patters are ways to deal with day-to-day life. Some of the more obvious patters are who cooks, washes dishes, does the laundry, or fixes the car. Other less obvious patterns include: Who has the right to make what decisions? How are differences of opinion handled? How are anger, affection, or other emotions expressed?

Many families find it helpful to have a chart of household tasks and to rotate the assignments. Parents can set the example of flexibility by offering to help out a child who has an unusually heavy load of homework or other activities.

The development of a stable family pattern is necessary to deal with all the things a family must face, decide, and accomplish in daily life. But a family must also be able to adapt to new needs and circumstances.

There are a number of common changes most families face. Children get older. Adults switch jobs or retire. Families are reshaped by birth, adoption, marriage, divorce, sickness, and death. Families move to different communities. Family relationships are most likely to remain healthy and strong if family members adapt to these changes.

Summary
Spend some time together identifying your family's strengths. Then celebrate them. From that foundation of existing strengths, choose additional strengths that you can add to your family. Become involved in activities that will help your family build those strengths.

Debbie Wilburn is County Agent/Family and Consumer Science Agent with the Hall (770)535-8290 and the Forsyth (770)887-2418 County Extension Service.