Make Coming Home a Pleasure

Lots of folks put forth a great deal of effort on the job, constantly striving for higher levels of work performance. But, do they give as much attention to the job of maintaining good marriage relationships?

Married people who let their concern for their jobs outweigh concerns for the success of their marriage are headed for marital trouble. Partners must work at making their relationship worthwhile, just as they work at a job.

This does not happen automatically. Failed marriages blamed on the rat race at work have in reality lost the magic of commitment, care and communications.

"Nobody cares about me" is too frequent a complaint. Over the years competition, inequality, and indifference become habitual, overcoming the responsiveness and support spouses once gave each other.

People need to get satisfaction from their families and their work. Marriage and family provide fulfillment unique to them.

Job descriptions tell the worker what is expected in the job. Why not develop a job description for married couples and those thinking of marriage that list what is required to make married life work?

Such a list would include these requirements:

Both partners:
1. A commitment to making the relationship work
2. Respect one another as individuals
3. Have separate identities
4. Are tolerant of each other
5. Are flexible and able to cope with changing family roles
6. Negotiate solutions rather than void conflict
7. Are willing to share power
8. Are interested in each other
9. Trust each other
10. Have a good sense of humor.

Of all of the 10 characteristics, a sense of humor is one of the most important. Why? The ability to see and appreciate humor in even the most serious situations makes working on your marriage job description more fun every day.

Couples today marry for companionship, but that appears to be the first thing given up in the time pressures of working couples-especially when these couples have children.

In the traditional marriage, the wife's responsibility was to keep the home functioning efficiently, and to give work-weary men emotional support.

At home, the husband could leave work worries behind, and be renewed by the coddling of an "ever-lovin" wife. True or not, it's what our fantasy says. Now, who's to care for whom as both husband and wife come home from the working world?

Each other! Both spouses need a warm greeting, time to readjust to home and family, and someone willing to hear about on-the-job trials and give moral support.

Make coming home a pleasure. Start the evening on a positive note. You have time later for other kinds of news or problems.

Think of your arrival home from work as reentry time, a brief interlude for settling into life together rather than an extension of the work world, or recrimination for undone or forgotten household tasks.

Working couples have to get the most from the limited time they have to make their marriage what they want it to be.

Debbie Wilburn is County Agent/Family and Consumer Science Agent with the Hall (770)535-8290 and the Forsyth (770)887-2418 County Extension Service.