The longest night

In the past few years several churches across both Methodist Georgia conferences have begun "The Longest Night" services on December 21. They are services of support and encouragement for those who have had major losses during the past year. It is held on the longest night of the year to symbolize the darkness their losses have brought to them.

To those who are struggling, it brings the Christian message of hope - of the light that shines in the darkness.

It is a special moment for many as it comes in the midst of the holiday season. The pain of death, divorce or job loss is so heightened as Christmas approaches. I like the way this service encourages the expression of how one is feeling as it gives one's emotion a voice. It brings it out in the open, enabling anyone who is struggling the opportunity to work it through.

The opposite is often the norm. It may be one's first Christmas without that special person who was loved so deeply - but he or she may set the jaw and plow right through the season as if nothing is amiss.

I find the holidays to be a wonderful time lovingly to work through the grief together. Instead of ignoring what everyone around the table is thinking, someone needs to speak to the obvious. "You know, I was just remembering the time that Grandma ... " and suddenly the family is alive with emotion.

Stories are told and events remembered about someone so dear. Laughter is heard. A tear or two quietly sneaks down someone's cheek. Out of it all - the telling and the remembering - a family has helped each other work through a bit more of their grief and honored Grandma's memory in a most personal way.

For those who are experiencing their first Christmas without someone they loved, let me make some brief suggestions.

Cry early. The pain won't subside without it. Don't wait for the day to arrive and let all the hurt hit you then. Be open to how you feel as the holidays approach.

Have realistic expectations. This Christmas will not be the same. It will be lonely. Lower what you expect from this one.

Plan early. Plan to surround yourself with those who love you and are good for you. Do as few obligatory engagements as possible. Schedule your holidays in ways that will work well for you. It may be the same plans as before, or they may be different. The question should be: Does this work best for me? This needs to be your Christmas. Design it your way without feeling guilty.

Finally - for all of us - if you know of someone for whom this will be a sad or lonely Christmas, do something special for them. Let them know they are near to your heart in this important time.

Now that I think of it, there is a certain couple I know whose holidays are sadly different this year. There will be an empty place at their table. I think I'll call them this evening.

Ron Greer is pastoral counselor with the Pastoral Counseling Service at Peachtree Road UMC in Atlanta. He can be reached at [email protected].