Learning to get along with others is one of the most important lessons that each of us learns. For most children their first opportunity for learning how to get along is with brothers and sisters. Family life offers a wonderful training ground for developing values of cooperation, honesty, kindness, and tolerance of others.
Learning important social skills takes time. Living with brothers and sisters can give a child a lot of practice in learning how to share and resolve conflicts. And with the right kind of guidance from parents, it also can give children a lot of practice in learning how to be cooperative, supportive, and nurturing to others.
Parents are important teachers
Parents are their children's most important teachers. It takes a lot of careful thought and patience to teach young children how to get along. But if a good foundation is laid early on, kids will become very capable at resolving their differences when they are older. If you do your job well in the early years, you will be able to stay more on the sidelines as your children grow and mature. The idea is to spend more time coaching kids than being a referee!
Children need to know how to
·say please and thank you,
·share,
·ask for help
·talk things over with others,
·control their anger, and
·calm themselves.
Tips from experienced parents
Start young. From the very beginning let children know that they are expected to treat each other fairly. Let your kids know that hurting each other is not okay.
Take 30 seconds to stop, look and listen. This definitely helps you get a better idea of what kids are fighting over. Take the next 30 seconds to think about how you should respond to the situation. Thirty seconds doesn't seem like very long, but you will be amazed at how it helps you to keep your cool and take charge in an effective way.
It is OK to treat children differently. The important thing is not to devalue one child over the other. Focus on the positives of each child's personality and interests.
Think cooperation instead of competition. For example, rather than having children race each other to pick up toys, set a timer and have them race together to beat the clock. Try to find at least one thing every day that kids can work together to accomplish.
Look for opportunities for children to help each other. Even very young children can bring diapers, help feed the baby, cuddle a younger one who is upset, or push the stroller. Make at least one weekly chore a team effort. Setting the table, feeding the birds, emptying the dishwasher, and raking leaves are good jobs for learning how to work together.
Help children to problem solve. Take the time to help them discuss the problem, brainstorm solutions, and try to work things out. The time you invest early on will save a great deal of time years later because they will become so good at it, they will be able to solve most problems themselves.
Remember that you are on stage-a real-life stage. Your kids watch what you do very closely. Show your children how to be patient with each other by talking in a calm voice, giving clear directions, and avoiding angry comments.
Teach your children what to do when they are angry. Walk away from the situation, count to ten, go hug a stuffed animal, or ask an adult for help.
Remember to thank your children for getting along. "It's great to see you two working together to rake leaves" or "Thanks for helping your sister pick up her toys." Remember also to remind your children to thank each other. "I bet Megan would feel good if she heard a thank you for helping you to set the table."
Have regular rules and routines so children know what to expect. Children should know that they are always expected to clean up their toys before bedtime or feed the pet right before dinner. If parents are consistent, kids have a better idea about what is needed from them in everyday family life.
Consult with children. When older children continue to fight, sit down with them and ask their advice. Sometimes kids can come up with very good suggestions for resolving a persistent problem.
Develop a family motto or slogan. Hearing a family motto helps small children feel the security of belonging to a strong family. Say your motto during everyday routine times such as eating dinner, and say it to children when conflict arises.
Sample mottos:
·The Jackson family is a peaceable family.
·Caring and respect for each and every one.
·Family and friends-together we can.
·Honesty and fairness for all.
Debbie Wilburn is County Agent/Family and Consumer Science Agent with the Hall (770)535-8290 and the Forsyth (770)887-2418 County Extension Service.
Monday
August 4th, 2025
8:27AM
