Building Your Child's Self Esteem Through Communication

Every parent wants their child to grow-up feeling confident and independent. One way to achieve this goal is to build your child's self-esteem through communication.

Because children develop their sense of self through interactions with significant adults, they are especially attuned to what their parents say about and to them.

1. USE WORDS TO SHOW AFFECTION AND INTEREST IN YOUR CHILD. Children need to be told that they are appreciated. Greet your child after school. Take time to respond to his or her questions. Tell your child how much you appreciate his or her completing a chore.

2. MATCH YOUR VERBAL AND NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION. Children listen and look for consistency in parents' communication. When praising a behavior, position yourself near your child. Maintain eye contact with your child, smile, and softly pat your child's arm. These are nonverbal messages of love and respect.

3. EXTEND INVITATIONS TO YOUR CHILD. Show interest in your child by asking him or her to sit next to you during an activity. Asking about your child's school day is another good way to invite a sharing or successes, concerns, and feelings. Yet another invitation to conversation can occur by bringing up topics you know to be of interest to your child, such as a past vacation or a special television show or game.

4. LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR CHILD IS SAYING. Again, it is not enough to simply hear what a child is saying, we must also show the child that we are listening. Parents can verbally show that they are listening by asking their child to, "tell me more about that." Parents can show that they are listening nonverbally by putting aside their housekeeping tasks and looking at their child, smiling and nodding. It is also important that parents allow their child to set the pace of conversation. Children need more time than adults to collect their thoughts and express their feelings. Rushing a conversation can lead children to cut short or even confuse their ideas and feelings.

5. SPEAK COURTEOUSLY TO CHILDREN. Use a patient and friendly tone of voice. Allow your child time to finish what he or she is saying. Show your child respect by using words such as "please," "thank you," and "excuse me."

6. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF DAILY EVENTS. Parents and children have opportunities to talk informally at many points during the day. Eating, dressing, waiting for the bus, preparing dinner, and settling down for bedtime are all good times for parents and children to informally talk about upcoming events and personal interests or concerns.

7. AVOID LABELING YOUR CHILD. Children are very sensitive to labels. A child who is repeatedly labeled "clumsy," or "slow" will begin to act that way. Also avoid discussing embarrassing child-related problems in public, since children, like adults, resent being talked about. Through their communication practices, parents create an environment in which children develop a sense of self. Paying attention to the above factors can help parents create a positive communication environment to build their child's self-esteem.

Debbie Wilburn is County Agent/Family and Consumer Science Agent with the Hall (770)535-8290 and the Forsyth (770)887-2418 County Extension Service.