My sweet mother in law went to be with the Lord last Wednesday. She’d been suffering with dementia for several years and really hasn’t been herself for a long part of that. A couple of months ago, we noticed she was slowing down. She was almost 92 afterall, but she was a mover. She was always busy doing something. In her dementia, that was increased because moving made her feel more comfortable.
For the last year, my mother in law and father in law—married 72 years—had moved to a retirement living situation. She thought they were on a cruise ship. I think mostly because of the long halls and the overhead announcement of what activities were coming up. Even though she was never sure where she was or when she was going home, it’s kind of a nice thought that she thought she was on vacation for the last year of her life.
Three weeks ago, we noticed she looked a little jaundiced. My husband is a primary care physician and I knew that look. He took her straight to the doctor for some blood work and it wasn’t good. Then she had a CT scan of her chest and abdomen and it was worse. Cancer throughout her little body. Three weeks later, she was gone. I’m thankful for her, I’m thankful she didn’t suffer and I’m thankful for the hospice workers at Hospice of NGMC.
Myra graduated from Girls High—later Grady and now Midtown High School—in Atlanta. It was 1950. She went to Mercer, pledged Phi Mu Sorority and met Linwood Zoller, Jr. By 1952, they were married and off to Washington, DC where he would serve at Bethesda and she would work as a courier between the Department of the Army and the White House. She never told those stories because they were Top Secret and she took those secrets to her grave.
In 1954, they moved to Macon and in quick succession had three boys. She spent the rest of her life raising children, helping with grandchildren and being the best hostess in the world. She kept a beautiful home and cleaned it herself. She made all the drapes and the cornice boards. She made tablecloths and napkins and Christmas decorations and just about any accessory you could think of. Her husband retired early and they travelled the world until about 2 years ago. It’s been a good life.
I never could make a bed or a cup of coffee the way she did.
She never really liked the way I did things. I took too many shortcuts. One of the only good things for me about her dementia was when she’d come to visit, she would tell me how wonderful I had done things. We had them over for a meal once a week. This would give my father in law a chance to relax and her a chance to putter around in the kitchen again.
There are worse things than death and robbing someone of their personality with dementia is one of them. However, Myra Zoller was happy and pleasant every day of her life. When we all came to tell her goodbye several times over the last three weeks she always told us she loved us. And when she had lost almost everything else before she slipped into not being able to respond to anything, the last thing she said to us was, “I love you, too…” At the core of her being, when she had lost everything but her life, was love. She loved the people around her and she will be greatly missed.
The caregivers at Hospice at NGMC were amazing. If you’d like to give something in Myra’s memory, you can do it here. Or find a hospice in your area and give. But the greatest gift you can give your family is to talk about how you want to die. Myra had always told us that if she had cancer, she didn’t want to do anything. So we knew what she wanted and that was a gift for all of us.
Mama 2, I know you are in heaven looking down on us and we will miss you but are so happy you are in the hands of Jesus with your memory back and your body healed.
