I have two precious little girls and a boy. After my first child, my mom promised me that the second one would be easier. She lied. I have three, sassy, loud, dramatic children. All of them.
She said one child would be guaranteed to be calm and quiet and balance out the others. All lies. That was my mom’s experience – I was loud and dramatic. My sister was quiet and the peacemaker.
I often call and apologize to my mom for my own behavior as a child. I obviously see now how very hard I was. My oldest is exactly like me – sassy and too smart for her own britches. As hard as she is, I relate to her. I get it. Sometimes I secretly wish I could have created a comeback as good as that.
It’s my son I have a hard time knowing what to do with. I think part of it is cultural. As a mom of a boy, I am not sure how to raise a boy in an environment that is currently glorifying the female power play. Not sure if you have noticed, but just about EVERY Disney movie has a strong, female character – "Frozen," "Mulan," "Ariel," "Raya," "Moana"… the list goes on. We occasionally get a strong male character in animal format (thanks, "Lion King"), but it is rare to have a strong, kind, gentle, powerful male character.
The male characters my son watches are usually goofballs – think about the "Incredibles." The dad is goofy and dishonest and often upstaged by his wife. The male character in "Tangled" begins as a thief who has to be reformed. "Aladdin" also begins with a boy who is a mischievous thief. That same storyline is true with so many of Disney’s movies.
I want to divert a second here to say that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with teaching my girls to be strong, independent women who can do and be anything. I LOVE that message. I just don’t want to forget about the boys.
There’s a bigger picture here at play. I see our culture portraying lots of powerful women who often find their way to the top by stepping on the heads of men they believe are holding them back. Yes, some men do that, but not all men. As a woman, as a mom, I have to be sure that my message is powerful, strong, AND kind. I never want my son to feel ashamed as a man. I never want him to feel he should not work hard for the top spot because there’s a risk he’s taking the place of a female who could also have it.
Let me be clear… I have had SEVERAL jobs in the past where I felt, as a woman, I was making less. I KNOW that was true. I have been in positions where I was doing the same work and the same job, but without the same respect and the same paycheck. That is absolutely an issue that must change. I am ALL for women finding equality in the workplace. I know the message I want to teach my girls and our culture is supporting that every chance they get.
We just have lost any kind of message for our boys in the process. It’s not that we are sending them hate messages, we just aren’t sending them ANY messages.
I want my son to know that he can be powerful and successful, but also be kind and honest. I want him to also know that HE can be ANYTHING he sets his mind to be.
He should be proud he was born male. He should be proud he was born an American that affords him tons of opportunity. What a blessing! He should be proud that he is gifted with an attention to detail, with strong opinions, with an absolute love of trains.
The influences around him may not come from a culture that is currently disregarding him, but instead, they will come from the home that surrounds him. He has a father who is determined and an entrepreneur and made a mark for himself in the world, overcoming many challenges. He has a grandfather who is kind and gentle, but also a strong leader.
I hope he will continue to be surrounded by men who will show him that power and kindness can live together. In fact, I don’t want ANY of my kids influenced by the media around them, but instead by the love and respect we have for one another at home. I want each child to follow the path God has set out for them, whatever that looks like.
Maybe one day our cultural media will give our children some TV shows and movies where dads are not downplayed, fathers are not disrespected or dishonest, men are not chauvinistic, and male business owners are honest. We also need to see moms who don’t go around their husbands, women who are o.k. being led by a man who is thoughtful and smart, and women who rise to the top because they’ve earned it and not demanded it.
I want to live in a world that has great respect and space for all genders and all races. But I’m not holding my breath. I will just do what I can to change the part of the world that I influence – and right now that’s three little kids.
