Thursday March 28th, 2024 11:00AM

Friend Okra

Fried okra might be my love language. Not fried okra like you find at a southern cooking restaurant. No, fried “okry,” as my grandmama used to say. That pan-fried, lightly breaded, crispy kind of okra.

If fried okra is my love language, then my mama knows how to say, “I love you” real good.

I walked in the door from work after a particularly tiring few days, and there my mama had found the spare key, folded my laundry and had fried okra waiting for me. Along with some corn fritters. And nothing said, “I love you” more than that.

I haven’t always been very kind to my mama – oh, the teenage years -  but my mama has always been kind to me. When I was seventeen, I wanted to do things my own way. It’s part of growing up – figuring it out for yourself. I thought I had it all under control. Now I know better. I have got nothing under control.

The past year my mama has showed up for me when I needed to clean out the basement. She showed up for me when I was tired and sick and needed a nap. She rocked babies for me. She picked up spiders (which I cannot do), mopped floors for me and folded laundry so I could work two jobs and occasionally take a nap.

I have a great fear my daughter is going to call me to pick up her spiders one day in the future and I’m not sure I will endure the test of love the way my own mother has, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

Some of us have lost mamas, some of us never had mamas, but we still, no matter how old we get, all need someone who will make us some fried okry when we need a little love.

If the pandemic has taught me anything, it’s that we need each other. We desperately need each other. We are designed for community and connection. We are not meant to do life alone.

The last few months have shown us what happens when we are separated from those we love. My sister passed away during the shutdown and nothing puts everything into greater perspective than NOT being with those you love. Nothing matters anymore except just being with the people who are important to me. We couldn’t quarantine away from one another because we had to have each other. We needed each other too much. And we had a funeral to go to. And I needed them by my side.

And I need them by my side every moment of the way now. I haven’t always seen the importance of family. Oh, how my sister and I used to fight and fuss. I couldn’t wait to go to college. I found a job two states away just to prove I could, “do it on my own.” Now I would give anything in the world to go back and have those moments again. Now, I prefer to do absolutely nothing on my own. Maybe I’m recognizing my own weaknesses and finally being honest about how UN-able I am to do anything well *all* on my very own. I can’t even kill a spider. So, I just prefer to be with the people I love. Those spider-killing savages.

Oh yes, my dad’s constant questions about how email works still drive me nuts, but I need to stop and learn to love that. One day I’m going to miss him asking me how to copy and paste an email into a text message. I *might* even miss him calling me to ask me how to troubleshoot his printer issues over the phone. I doubt it, but I’m trying to be positive. Also, this may or may not be a test to see if he reads my blog. I also doubt it, but again… let’s be positive.

When the world shut down, there were lots of things we learned. Some of those things weren’t so good. For example, I learned just exactly how many of my Facebook friends feel qualified to be a doctor. I learned how many different opinions can exist in one place. I learned how mad and angry the world could be. (Maybe some okra fixed by their mamas would've made those folks a little less angry.) I think though we are all unified in the common realization of just how important family and friends really are. It was tough going through my sister’s death without my church family. It was tough that we couldn’t hold a funeral where all of my cousins and college friends could come and give us a hug. Yes, it was simple and the way my sister would’ve wanted it. Yes, it made my family and I closer. But we also missed the people who wanted to be there with us.

We need each other. We aren’t designed to do life alone. Yes, I’m a Christian and a believer in the ONE who created us for unity with Him. I go to church because I’m not designed to do life alone without Him. But I also go because that’s where I find the people who are o.k. doing life with me. I see people struggling, hungry, poor, broken, desperate and alone. And I want to say, “Why aren’t you in church?!” Now that sounds about as southern a thing you can say as “fried okry,” but it’s true. It’s a valid question. When my husband lost his job and we didn’t know if we would lose our house, our church took up a collection and paid our mortgage. When my sister got sick, I sat in my circle of friends on Sunday mornings and cried every single week. When a 5K was held in my sister’s honor, people I never even met from our church came to help volunteer. They held us up. They dried my tears. Sometimes they cried with me. It’s because they were acting like Jesus who does the same thing when we let Him.

We can’t be afraid to be our honest, raw selves with others. We can’t be afraid to get up, get out and go outside of our comfort zones to meet new people. I’m an introvert and it sounds a whole lot better to stay at home with no pants on than to go meet people I don’t know. But I gotta do it. And sometimes I need to stay HOME and face the God who created me and get to know Him too. I’m created for relationships both upward and outward.

We need each other.

It’s not a coincidence that spell check keeps changing the word “fried” to “friend.” Friend Okra. That sounds about right to me. Go share some okra with someone you love. I promise it’ll do your heart some good.

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