“So, Bald Guy who lives at my house, do you know what today is?”
“Well, Milly, let’s just assume that I don’t.”
“Think about it, dummy. Something very important happened six years ago today.”
“Oh, yeah. It’s your birthday. Happy birthday, Millster. I can’t believe you are already 6.”
“I’m having a hard time with it myself. You know, when you say I’m 6 years old, I sound like I’m still a kid. But when you figure it in dog years, then jeez Louise, I’m 42 and nearly as old as you are!”
“Hey, now. Don’t be mean.”
“At least I’ve kept my good looks.”
“Stop it.”
“And my hair.”
“Speaking of that, all that hair I vacuum up every week? None of it is mine. When are you going to learn to run the vacuum cleaner yourself?”
“When are you going to give up on that fantasy? I ain’t going near the horrible contraption. You know I go hide in the bedroom every time you bring it out. Jeez, 747s landing at Hartsfield don’t make that much noise.”
“Oh, stop being a baby. It’s not the bad. And I have to vacuum regularly or we’d be over run in springer spaniel hair. As it is, I vacuum up enough hair each week to make a whole other springer spaniel.”
“Whoa, now. Don’t be getting any ideas. We don’t need another springer spaniel. I’m an only dog and I like it that way.”
“I’m not getting another dog. I am, however, thinking about getting one of those robot vacuums that will clean while I’m at work.”
“Are you out of your flippin’ mind? Just what I need, a vacuum cleaner that chases me while you’re not here to protect me. Get one of those things and, and swear to God, I’m moving in with the neighbors.”
“OK. Relax.”
“OK. Let’s move on to more important things. Like, what are you getting me for my birthday?”
“Aren’t gifts supposed to be a surprise?”
“I’m a dog. Everything’s a surprise to me. You walk out with a bag of trash, and I’m surprised when you come back. Why do you think I’m always happy?”
“Alright, I got you a chew toy when I was in New Orleans. It looks like a voodoo doll.”
“Does it have stuffing?”
“No, it’s a rope toy. You know I don’t buy you stuffed toys. You destroy them within minutes, and I spend the next week finding little bits of stuffing all over the house.”
“You’re no fun.”
“Well, if it stops raining long enough, maybe we’ll go over the park and you can swim in the lake. I’ll even let you chase the geese if any are out.”
“Cool. Thanks, Bald Guy.”
