Hi everyone. It’s Milly the springer spaniel here. I’m filling in this week because Mitch, the bald-headed guy who lives at my house, says he’s too busy to write anything.
See, the semester just ended, and he’s spending his time grading articles written by his journalism students. I don’t really know how well it’s going in there, but every now and then I hear him shout something like, “These kids today. They don’t listen to a thing I say.”
At least I think that’s what he’s saying. I spend most of my time staring out the window waiting on the Bald Guy to take me for a walk, so I’m honestly not paying attention.
But I love this opportunity to take over so I can write about an important issue no one is talking about. I mean, really, it seems like half the country is running for the Democratic nomination for president in 2020 – I watch a lot of Fox News while the Bald Guy is at work – yet none of those candidates has even mentioned this issue.
I don’t know why. It’s a serious, dangerous enemy we can see, and we should do what we can stop it. And by “serious, dangerous enemy," I mean, of course, geese.
I hate ‘em. Disgusting little menaces. Ought to be wiped off the face of the earth. And, hey, aren’t a lot of them Canadian geese who just fly across the border with no visas or green cards? Round up the immigrants at the southern border if you want, but I think the president ought to be doing something at the northern border, too.
As you may know, the Bald Guy and I live on Lake Lanier, so we see them nearly every day. The Bald Guy teases me because I sometimes sit on the deck and stare at them for hours. And when we are walking and some geese fly over, I always stop and follow their path.
I don’t know why he thinks this is so funny. Seriously. Didn’t we keep an eye on the Germans in World War II. Don’t we now keep an eye on ISIS and North Korea. One must always remain vigilant against one’s enemies.
But he just laughs it up. Just last week, we were walking in Holly Park and there were a bunch of geese swimming near the beach. I kept pulling on the leash to get to them. "If you'll just let me off this leash for one minute,” I told the Bald Guy, “I'll get rid of those pesky varmints once and for all.”
He tells the story about letting me off the leash once. Turns out there were some geese down by the lake, and I decided to chase them. But they turned the tables and started chasing me.
Well, the way the Bald Guy tells it, I ran all the way back to the car and was honking the horn for him to come take me home. But that’s just not the way it went down. I simply made a clever, tactical retreat. I was planning my next move when the Bald Guy came over and loaded me in the car. But make no mistake. I would have stayed and fought if he’d have let me.
Anyway, I think I’ve made my case that I’m doing what I can to solve the geese problem in this nation. It’s time for the rest of you to step up, too.
Together, we can make Lanier great again.