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Tuesday June 25th, 2019 1:47AM

The Great TV Theme Song Sing-Along ...

By Bill Wilson Reporter

Seems like a funny thing to get into a Facebook flame war over, but then again, what isn't?

Someone on one of my classic TV boards started a thread naming classic TV themes that didn't have lyrics.  It is a frightening thing, but there are people out there who vote and drive motorized vehicles that believe that "The Carol Burnett Show" counts because the lyrics are only sung at the end, and "M*A*S*H" counts, because the lyrics were only sung in the movie.  Also had to argue with someone that "Make Room for Daddy" was "Danny Boy," but that also didn't go well.

There are many TV themes that we know and love as instrumentals that have lyrics.  Some are better than others.  Feel free to sing along as we go, because we ALL know the tunes.

"I Dream of Jeannie" had two theme songs.  The first season featured a pleasant, generic waltz by Richard Wess.  When Tony Nelson’s space capsule splashed down in color, it was replaced by the bouncy Hugo Montenegro samba that we all know and love, and Buddy Kaye supplied lyrics for a Montenegro single.

Jeannie, fresh as a daisy.

Just love how she obeys me,

Does things that just amaze me so.

 

She smiles, Presto the rain goes.

She blinks, up come the rainbows.

Cars stop, even the train goes slow.

 

When she goes by

She paints sunshine on every rafter,

Sprinkles the air with laughter,

We're close as a quarter after three.

 

There's no one like

Jeannie. I'll introduce her,

To you, but it's no use, sir,

Cause my Jeannie's in love with me.

One of the great TV theme composers was Jerry Fielding.  His “Heroes March” for “Hogan’s Heroes” was originally just instrumental, but he himself composed lyrics for the album “Hogan’s Heroes Sing the Best of World War II.”  Yes, that happened.

Heroes, heroes, husky men of war,

Sons of all the hreoes, of the war before.

We're all heroes up to our ear o's

You ask questions

We make suggestions

That's what we're heroes for.

 

All good heroes love a good, big fight

Open up the bomb bays and brighten up the night.

We applaud the people who laud us,

You pull the roses,

We punch the noses,

That's what we're heroes for.

 

What's a hero do?

Well, we're not gonna tell ya

Cause we wish we knew.

That's why we heroes are so few.

We've got a slogan

From Colonel Hogan

And Colonel Hogan's a hero too.

 

Never flinch, boys, never be afraid,

Heroes are not born, boys, heroes are made.

Ask not why, boys, never say die, boys,

Answer the call, remember we'll all be heroes forever more.

“Leave it to Beaver” came up quite a bit on the thread, but that song, “The Toy Parade,” has a delightful set of lyrics that was released as a children’s record in the late 50s.

Hey! Here they come with a rum-tee tum they're having a toy parade.

A tin giraffe with a fife and drum is leading the kewpie parade.

A gingham cat in a soldier's hat is waving a Chinese fan,

A plastic clown in a wedding gown is dancing with Raggedy Ann.

 

Fee fie fiddle dee dee they're crossing the living room floor

Fee fie fiddle dee dee they're up to the dining room door.

 

They call a halt for a choc'late malt or cookies and lemonade

Then off they go with a ho ho ho right back to their toy brigade.

“The Andy Griffith Show” is a great favorite, and one of the most fun theme songs to whistle, obviously.  But there were also lyrics to “The Fishin’ Hole,” sung by Griffith himself on a couple of his albums.  The words here so gloriously invoke the spirit of Mayberry.

Well now, take down your fishing pole

And meet me at the fishing hole

We may not get a bite all day

But don't you rush away

 

What a great place to rest your bones

And mighty fine for skipping stones

You'll feel fresh as a lemonade a-setting in the shade

 

Whether it's hot, whether it's cool

Oh what a spot for whistling like a fool

 

What a fine day to take a stroll and wind up at the fishing hole

I can't think of a better way to pass the time of day

We'll have no need to call the roll

When we get to the fishing hole

They'll be you, me, and old dog, trey to do the time away

 

If we don't hook a perch or bass

We'll cool our toes in dewy grass

Or else pull up a weed to chaw

And maybe sit and jaw

 

Hanging around, taking our ease

Watching that hound a scratching at his fleas

 

I'm gonna take down my fishing pole

And meet you at the fishing hole

I can't think of a better way

To pass the time of day

Sometimes lyrics are just a bad idea, and worse … a cheap way to make a quick buck, as was the case with Gene Roddenberry and his abysmal lyrics slapped onto Alexander Courage’s iconic “Star Trek” theme.  Roddenberry composed the lyrics himself, simply as a way to pocket half of Courage’s royalties, and the composer never forgave him.  The problem with THESE lyrics, is they don’t fit the tune as written.  See for yourself …

Beyond

The rim of the star-light

My love

Is wand'ring in star-flight

I know

He'll find in star-clustered reaches

Love,

Strange love a star woman teaches.

I know

His journey ends never

His star trek

Will go on forever.

But tell him

While he wanders his starry sea

Remember, remember me.

To cleanse your palate from that evil stink, enjoy these lyrics, composed DECADES after “The Dick van Dyke Show” left the airwaves, by one of its stars, Morey Amsterdam.

So you think that you've got troubles?

Well, trouble's a bubble

So tell old Mr. Trouble to get lost!

 

Why not hold your head up high and

Stop cryin', start tryin'

And don't forget to keep your fingers crossed.

 

When you find the joy of livin'

Is lovin' and givin'

You'll be there when the winning dice are tossed.

 

A smile is just a frown that's turned upside down

So smile, and that frown will defrost.

 

And don't forget to keep your fingers crossed

 

A quick scan of YouTube will uncover vocal versions as well of “My Favorite Martian,” “Hawaii Five-O,” as sung by Sammy Davis, Jr., “Mission: Impossible,” and even “Peter Gunn,” as sung by the inimitable Sarah Vaughan.  You can also find the complete versions of “Cheers” and “WKRP in Cincinnati,” both of which were released as full-length pop singles.  As was Sonny Curtis’ “You’re Gonna Make it After All,” the theme from “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.”  Your jaw will drop at the sexism of verse two of THAT one.   A different time, indeed.

I hope you’ve enjoyed our little sing along today!  If you have any favorite theme music you’d like to share with me, I’m available at bill.wilson@jacobsmedia.net.  This concludes our broadcast day.

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