The older you get, the more difficult it gets. Especially in an age of social media and less-social people. Can you imagine what it would have been like for our grandparents to have met? Or even some of our parents for that matter. So raw and real. And probably way more romantic. No one had to swipe left or right.
I’ve been hesitant on writing a blog about dating or what it’s like to be in the dating scene in 2019, because I feel like people either don’t really care that much or they have read these kinds of articles elsewhere. But after a long conversation with a few of my co-workers, it’s still a topic us single people talk about. So here it is from the casual perspective of a 20-something-year-old, and of course, I will tie in some kind of early life lesson.
It almost seems like in the age of social media, people are never satisfied. People are always looking for the next best thing, even when they have already met a person worth giving their time to. You could have a ton in common with someone, have great chemistry, but they may still be out looking for what else is on the market, and most likely doing it through social media. Dating is so much work, and there is a lot of unknown. It could be the reason I remain single, other than I can be the most awkward person in the world as soon as someone decides to flirt with me, or I am just so oblivious I have no idea what it is going on.
I’m still young, but I am at that age where all the people around me are A. Getting married B. Having kids C. Are engaged or D. are in jail. That leaves the pickings a bit slim for me, but after speaking to those lovely co-workers of mine, I realized, sure, dating isn’t the best in your mid-late 20’s, but it definitely doesn’t get any easier once you hit your 40s-50s. If you think the pool is small now, hah, oh boy. But one thing we all had in common was the phenomena of “ghosting.”
That’s right, Halloween can be all year long if you find the right person to talk to for a bit. Now, for most of us, we know what ghosting means, but for those of you who don’t, let me explain. Ghosting is when the person you’ve entered a personal relationship with cuts all ties, out of nowhere. Suddenly they stop replying to your messages, your texts, everything, with no explanation. It’s really awesome, in case this has never happened to you.
But when it does happen to you, you question yourself. You wonder what you did wrong, what you said or didn’t say. Was it a lack of communication between us both, or do I just need to swallow the “he’s just not that into you” pill? Whatever the reason may be, I am here to say that it wasn’t you. It was them. Cliché, I know, but it’s true.
When you open-up to someone, especially if you’re someone like me who doesn’t do that often, and they take your vulnerability for granted, that is not your burden to bear. If someone has the audacity to ghost you out of nowhere, there is a reason on their end, and if they can’t be an adult about it, then just move along. Don’t let it bother you, because there is someone out there who won’t take advantage of your feelings. But you also must remember not to make excuses for people like that. The most common ones: “well, they got busy with work,” “I hadn’t really talked to them either,” and so on and so forth. At the end of the day, if a person cares enough, they will find the time to make time for you. Whether that is a text at the end of the day asking how your day was or setting a time to see each other when your schedules aren’t conflicting.
You can’t be crazy and expect someone to talk to you 24/7, or reply instantly to your messages all day long, or even talk to you every day for that matter, but it’s not a crazy thing to expect respect.
No matter how old or how young you are, remember that your time is just as valuable as anyone else’s. I wouldn’t recommend going into anything with too high of expectations, but that could be the Capricorn in me saying that. But most importantly, don’t be someone’s second choice. In most cases, a ghoster doesn’t give you the chance you deserve, because they don’t give themselves the chance to really get to know you. Another issue in today’s society, people want quick results. People don’t have the patience, and sometimes that is because they already have this idea of who they think you are on social media.
So, if you’re reading this as a single person, remember to always be yourself and set your standards high enough to know what you’re worth. It’s better to be single and living your best life, than in a relationship where you were never a person’s priority. And if you’re reading this blog as the ghoster, grow-up, because one of these days you are going to get ghosted too (and a piece of me hopes that you do).
