We’re getting close to the start of a brand new year, and I know a bunch of you are planning your New Year’s resolutions.
On Jan. 1, you resolve to lose weight. Eat better. Read more books. Learn a new language. Spend more time with the family. Save more money. Get organized. Volunteer more.
By Feb. 1, you’re making excuses about why none of the above has happened.
I’m not sure why it works like this, but it does. Our bad habits are so ingrained in our daily lives that it’s difficult to change, even when we say we’re setting our minds to it.
So why even make New Year’s resolutions? The short answer is I don’t. Not really, anyway.
Sure I could stand to lose a few pounds, but that means I’d have to eat less. And I don’t want to eat less.
Frankly, I don’t need that kind of stress in my life. Having stress just creates another thing to have a resolution about.
So a few years ago, I decided I was only going to make resolutions that I was certain I could keep.
The way most people do resolutions is certain to fail, and nothing damages self-esteem like abject failure on one or more resolutions every time the calendar flips over to January.
On the other hand, my way will bring me to the end of 2012 full of self-esteem and with a checklist of fulfilled resolutions.
So, to wit, here are my resolutions for 2016:
-- I’m not going to eat mushrooms in 2016. Mushrooms are fungus, and I don’t eat fungus.
-- I’m not going to eat Brussels sprouts in 2016. Brussels sprouts aren’t fungus. But they do taste like cardboard, or at least what I suspect cardboard would taste like if I ate cardboard.
-- I’m not going to get a cat. Cats are sneaky, and besides I have all I can handle with a 2-year-old springer spaniel who runs my house.
-- I’m not going to watch “American Idol.” I’ve never watched “American Idol,” and since this is the show’s last season, I figure why start now.
-- I’m not going to watch any other reality shows, especially those that star Kardashians or Jenners.
-- I’m not going to turn down a date with Sandra Bullock. If that Academy Award winning actress wants to go out with me, I’ll just have to rearrange my schedule to accommodate her. That’s just the kind of guy I am.
-- I’m not going to vote for any candidate who makes fun of the way someone looks or the way someone talks. I’ll only vote for candidates who spend their time telling me how they will fix the mess this country is in. I know that means I may not have a candidate left to vote for by the time Election Day rolls around, but I’m fed up with choosing from the evil of two lessers.
-- I’m not pulling for Georgia Tech.
-- I'm not going on any kind of extreme vacation that requires me to climb a rock, shoot a rapid, dive for sharks or hike in the jungle. A vacation takes place in a relaxing locale where someone – preferably young and female – brings me drinks with little umbrellas in them.
Looking back on this list, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to keep these resolutions. Here's hoping you can keep yours, too.
May the New Year bring you all much joy and happiness.
