Okay, I fully admit that the title of this article is a blatant theft, with somewhat of a slant, having been stolen from the mouth of the legendary Mae West. But, with the exception of the borrowed text, her original line and the title of this commentary have little to do with each other. I'm pretty sure that there is no need to define her reference, but perhaps I need to elaborate on this one a bit.<br />
<br />
Been to the airport lately? If you have, the title now makes perfect sense. If you have not, you still might be scratching your head and saying huhhh? Since the events of 9-11, airport security and the public's safety on commercial airlines have been front and center. We've become accustomed to long lines, taking our shoes off, taking our jewelry and belts off, putting our cell phones and computers in the plastic tray, and even checking our cologne and other liquids at the screening area. I still get annoyed every time I have to leave a newly opened diet coke at the screening table because it is not allowed past that point. But, we go through this ordeal in the name of safety and in the hopes of preventing another disaster. We grumble, we cuss, and sometimes we can be a regular horse's patooty; but we comply. That is up until now.<br />
<br />
The TSA has instituted a new screening process at select airports across the country that includes what is known as a full body scan. I would reference you to a particular word in this column's title. For those of you who were scratching your head, the mental picture has just been adjusted and your understanding is now crystal clear. That's right. People will stick anything anywhere if they are intent on concealing that particular anything from being detected. Even though we are concentrating on devices that would cause damage to an airplane, the idea of such concealment is nothing new. People have been hiding things in nature's natural crevices for some time. During the heyday of drug smuggling, concealing illegal narcotics in the nether regions was very common. Before the availability of body scans, the only way to investigate such concealment was a series of manual probes and searches which quite often proved successful. They were disgusting, but none the less successful. You would have to admit that the defense that "someone planted the drugs on me" sort of loses its strength in these cases of artistic hide and seek.<br />
<br />
Inmates have also used the southern most tip of the intestinal train tracks to conceal anything from cigarettes to weapons. Even cell phones have been found in such searches. I suppose desperate times call for desperate measures, but this brings whole a new meaning to hands-free cell phones. At any rate
