Dawn of the Dead **

Where was I in the seventies? Last week, I confessed to never having watched a single episode of "Starsky & Hutch." Today I must admit that I've never seen any of the "Living Dead" movies, or the "Evil Dead" movies. And if the Grateful Dead made movies, I didn't see those either.

So I went into "Dawn of the Dead" as an open-minded theater-goer. Admittedly, this genre is not my cup of tea, but frequently I can be surprised by even poorly reviewed films. Indeed, the critically drubbed "Deep Rising" is one of my favorite giant squid movies. And everyone has to have one.

Heather Langenkamp, of "Blair Witch Project" fame, flashed by somewhere in the production credits, and the influence of her film is evident in the opening and closing credits of "Dawn of the Dead." The movie intercuts rapidly between credits and home movie-style footage. The first twenty minutes or so of this movie had me jumping out of my seat as young nurse Ana (Sarah Polley) makes her harrowing escape from an infected neighborhood child, who starts the undead ball a-rollin', and her husband, her first victim.

She meets up with Ving Rhames, a shotgun-armed cop, and a half dozen or so other survivors who have decided to head over to the mall. Initially this seems to me to be a bad plan. I worked for several years at a shopping mall. I saw countless dazed, listless people, wandering about with glazed eyes with seemingly no or little purpose. How, I wondered, would they tell the patrons from the zombies? Or the employees for that matter ... (just kidding, folks)

Anyway, once they get inside the mall and secure the premises, offing an infected janitor and teaming up with three armed members of mall security (now THAT'S scary), the advantages of this location becomes clear. Product placement. Coke products are everywhere, although C.J. (Michael Kelly) doesn't seem to be the type to be able to pronounce Dasani, much less drink it.

After about twenty more minutes, more survivors wander into the mall, thinking perhaps that the best defense against zombies just MIGHT be the secret recipe to Orange Julius. Some terrific character actors are wasted here, notably Matt Frewer ("Max Headroom," who dies about fifteen minutes after his entrance, to my chagrin) and some notable supporting members from "Nero Wolfe"'s repertory company, R.D. Reid and Boyd Banks.

Most of these characters are about as well-developed as the zombies in the film, and after a promising beginning, the movie takes on all the resonance of a video game, with artful scenes of zombie-style mayhem, and zombies getting hit by cars and shot in the head (the only REAL way to kill a zombie, we're told).

As a result, we leave the theater rather numb with the carnage and wonder where all of those folks who are screaming about the violence in "The Passion of the Christ."

Then there's the ending, and without spoiling anything for you, as a public service, I'll help you guide your own destiny. If you want a bleak, but semi-optimistic resolution, leave as soon as the credits begin to roll. However, if you like more of a doomsday scenario with your popcorn, stay to the final excruciating frame.

Not having seen the original, I checked out the user comments for this film at www.imdb.com. Most fans of the original like this one very much. Some even favor it. I don't know any of these people, but I'd bet they've spent some summers working at Sunglass Hut.