Of all the jobs in the world, being a parent may be the trickiest. Children are often hard to understand. They seem impossible to control. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, it seems that everything we do is wrong. No one can make parenting easy. But by learning more about children and their needs and by talking to other parents, we can learn many things to make us more effective as parents.
What are the most important things parents can do for their children? How can you tell when you are a successful parent? What are the qualities you most want your children to develop? One child psychologist suggested that there are two qualities that are most important for children-and all people-to develop.
The first quality is to be strong. Children should learn to make decisions, to be responsible, and to be trustworthy. They should learn how to deal with difficult situations.
The second quality is to be caring. Children should learn to love and be loved, to care about people, to show respect, to be close with their families and others.
Developing both strength and caring is important, but it is not easy. This publication will give you ideas about how to help your children develop both qualities.
How can we develop strong children?
What experiences do you think will help children become strong, capable people?
If your child is to become a strong, capable person, he needs to see his world as a safe and predictable place. In order to learn that his world is safe, he should not be hurt or frightened. He needs to explore and experiment within safe limits. If he is to learn that his world is predictable, he should find that the important people in his life are consistent and treat him with respect.
Imagine that you are a child-your child. Do you think that you would see your home as a safe and predictable place? Close your eyes and imagine a day at your house as a child. Are you given many opportunities to explore? Are reasonable rules made? Are they enforced kindly and consistently?
If it seems that people are usually unkind and controlling in your home, you will want to make some changes. Can you move unsafe toys out of the children's way? Can you provide fun and safe things for the children to play with? When your child is playing with something unsafe can you kindly redirect him or her toward some other toy or activity?
How can we develop caring children?
What experiences do you think will help children become caring, loving people?
If a child is to become a caring, loving person, she needs to see her world as a loving and sensitive place. When parents take time to understand a child's needs and to be helpful, they are helping the child to feel loved.
Once again, imagine that you are your own child. From that point of view, do you see your home as a caring and loving place? Do people take time to understand your feelings? Do they express their love? Do they show that they love each other? When they make mistakes do they try to find better ways to help?
If it seems that people are often unloving or unkind at your home, you will want to make some changes. Can you find ways to help you deal with your stress? Can you find ways to guide your child without getting angry? Can you find ways to send the message of love to your child?
When we review how we are doing as parents, we can ask ourselves the two basic questions:
Am I helping my child develop into a strong person by setting reasonable rules and consistently enforcing them?
Am I helping my child develop into a caring person by being loving and sensitive?
Good parenting pays off.
You work at becoming a good parent so that your children will turn out to be strong, caring adults. But what are the benefits for you? Does being a good parent take tons of work and leave you worn-out? Why go to all the trouble?
The fact is, good parenting is easier in the long run than bad parenting. Good parenting is like good car repair. When car repairs are done by someone with good tools who understands the job, the car will run well. When a car is repaired by someone who knows little or is careless, the car is likely to be a big problem.
Bad parenting develops children who are more likely to be moody, angry, disobedient, immature, and low in social ability. Good parenting develops children who are more likely to be happy, capable, responsible, and enjoyable. Which kind of children do you prefer to live with?
Reading about parenting, taking classes in parenting, and visiting with other good parents will help you be more effective. It does take effort to learn about children and to be a good parent. It takes time to reason with children, to read them stories, and to follow up on rules. But it makes life more pleasant and helps you develop children you will be proud of.
Each parent is different.
Each parent has different strengths and different weaknesses. If you are a very caring parent already, you may find that you need to spend most of your effort learning how to be strong and set limits. If you are a very strong person, you may need to practice being understanding and sending messages of love.
Each child is different.
Just as with parents, each child has different strengths and different weaknesses. You may have one child who craves excitement. You may have one who loves to be cuddled. The differences between children make parenting exciting but also challenging. We must work at understanding each child and his or her unique abilities and needs.
Parents need help, too.
A happy parent is a better parent. Therefore it is important to strengthen you, the parent.
Parenting is hard. But as you develop confidence in your parenting skills and see your children develop into fine people, you will know that it was worth all the effort!
Debbie Wilburn is County Agent/Family and Consumer Science Agent with the Hall (770)535-8290 and the Forsyth (770)887-2418 County Extension Service.
Thursday
August 7th, 2025
8:39PM
