Once upon a time, I watched a lot of television. Had a couple of shows that I watched each night, and I would often schedule my life around getting home in time to see a certain show.
Today, I can count on one hand the network shows that I watch and enjoy. I'm sick of reality television, which, of course, has nothing at all to do with reality. I've only seen a couple of episodes of "CSI," and I've never seen "Grey's Anatomy." Carson and Letterman are gone, so I might as well go to bed early.
Television for me consists mostly of the all-news channels, the all-sports channels and whatever I can find of interest on Netflix or Hulu.
I thought there was something wrong with me, that perhaps my tastes had changed. Fortunately, I happy to report there's nothing wrong with me. It's all the fault of network executives. They don't want me.
Turns out I'm the wrong sex.
According to an article I read recently in "Entertainment Weekly" – hey, I was sitting in a waiting room, so don’t judge – most television programming today is created with women in mind. They apparently control what is watched in most households today, and they have more buying power than ever before, which makes them very attractive to advertisers.
That women now control what's on TV is another sign of the ever-changing entertainment environment.
When I was a kid, no one really "controlled" the TV because we only got three channels. We got NBC out of Albany, CBS out of Dothan and ABC out of Columbus.
When you wanted to switch from a show on NBC to a show on CBS, you didn't pick up the remote control because there was no such thing as the remote control.
You stood up, walked across the room and physically turned a dial on the TV.
Then you turned another dial on a little machine that sat on top of the TV. That machine rotated the aerial antenna mounted on top of the house so that it was pointed in the direction of the TV signal you wished to watch.
I thought the invention of the remote control was the greatest innovation ever, and it put men in clear control of the television. Jerry Seinfeld once said that difference between men and woman is simple. Women want to know what's on TV. Men want to know what else is on TV.
More than one sensory-overloaded female as tried to wrestle the remote out of my hand as I flawlessly surfed around the channel dial during a commercial. I had it down to science. As soon as a commercial began, I could flip through every channel and get back to the original channel without missing any of the program.
Watching television with me went something like this: "Like sands through the hourglass, these are ..." (click) "For three easy payments of $39.95 ..." (click) "Green Acres is the place to be ..." (click) "Well, Maury, the reason I married my cousin ..." (click) "Live from New York ..." (click) "The biggest problem facing the Trump ..." (click) "Nobody sells Fords for ..." (click).
But it's OK. I'm fine with women being in charge of TV now. I like women and, well, men have been in charge long enough and women couldn't mess it up more than we have.
But don't worry too much, guys. We've still got ESPN.
