It’s hot outside. I know this to be a fact for a couple of reasons.
First, I’ve been outside. You can’t walk from your house to the mailbox without sweating like you’ve just run the Peachtree Road Race.
Second, I know it’s hot outside because every person who walks into my office tells me so.
“God, it’s hot outside,” they’ll say.
The ones who think they’re clever will say, “Hot enough for ya?”
In fact, last week saw some of the hottest temperatures of the season in North Georgia, as the thermometer rose into the mid 90s.
But why do we like to complain about it being hot? It’s not like we’ve spent the last dozen summers playing with the penguins in Antarctica. We live in the South. It’s July. It gets hot in the South in July.
I’m 53 years old. I’ve spent my entire life in Georgia. And I’ve never worn a jacket in July.
Mark Twain once said, “Everyone complains about the weather, but no one does anything about it.” He’s right because we can’t do anything about it.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t some ways we can deal with the current heat wave.
We all know that we should dress in lightweight, light-colored clothes and wear a hat to keep the sun off our face.
We should also drink plenty of fluids, especially water, to keep our bodies hydrated. And we should eat smaller meals and eat more often.
There are other, more practical ways to beat the heat, too.
For instance, don’t go outside. This is the biggest mistake people make in a heat wave. They go outside. Don’t. Outside is where the heat is.
Stay inside. Inside is where you can get air conditioning and ice and, if you’re lucky, a cold beer.
“But,” I hear you saying, “I have to go outside to get to work.”
So don’t go to work. They say you shouldn’t do strenuous activities in the heat. Work is strenuous. Don’t go. Call in sweaty.
If you absolutely must go outside, like because your dog hasn’t been out since last night and he’s sitting at the door whimpering, don’t stay long. When you come back inside, immediately stick your head under the faucet. If you’re still hot when you dry off, repeat.
Another thing you can do is turn off the TV weather forecasters. They live for extreme weather. It gives them a chance to say things like, “It’ll be another scorcher today and looking at the seven-day forecast, there’s no relief in sight.”
Weather forecasters also love to talk about the “heat index,” or how hot it feels outside. “We’ll have a high today of 98, but it will feel more like 105,” they’ll say.
I think this is some kind of voodoo weather forecasters have come up with to get more air time. How can it feel like something it isn’t? It can’t possibly feel like 105. You know why? Because it’s only 98.
I know psychologically that 105 sounds so much hotter than 98, but it really isn’t. Ninety-eight is plenty hot. I don’t need the weather people embellishing that fact.
Meanwhile, the heat is so bad, it actually has me happy I’ve joined a gym. Now I can get my miles in on a treadmill. Inside. In the air conditioning.
But don’t fret. Summer doesn’t last forever. Soon fall, then winter will be here.
Then we can complain about how cold it is.
