As many of you know, I don’t like the idea of New Year’s resolutions. We have good intentions when we make them, but by the end of January, we’re back to doing whatever bad habit we had resolved to stop doing.
So I usually make resolutions that I know I can keep. For instance, every year – this one included – I resolved to never eat mushrooms in the new year. They are a fungus that grows on the walls of caves instead of in the sunshine like the good Lord intended. I ain’t eating them.
But this year, I’m making a real resolution. Like a lot of you, I find myself constantly fighting the battle of the bulge. So this year, I’m going to lose weight. I’m going to get into better shape.
I came to this conclusion when it became obvious that I was literally getting too big for my britches.
Once I eliminated the possibility that my dry cleaner had made a mistake, I realized that something had to give and I could only hope it wouldn’t be the seam in the back of my pants.
But I hate the whole idea of being on a diet.
First, diets don’t work. Diets don’t teach you to be a smart eater. While you may lose weight, you usually gain it back when you come off the diet because you go back to all your bad habits. Like eating an entire pint of Breyer’s chocolate chip ice cream while you’re watching Colbert.
So this year, I’ve decided to try something different. I’ve hired a personal trainer. She’s someone I’ve known for a few years. Chelsea is a former Georgia athlete who has studied nutrition and exercise science, and this summer, she moves to Texas to attend school to become a doctor of physical therapy. So I feel like she knows what I need to do.
One of the first things Chelsea told me was that nutrition was probably the most important component of a nutrition and exercise program. Deep in my heart, I probably knew that was true. But I don’t like anyone to get between me and the occasional bacon double cheeseburger.
About a week before Christmas, she emailed me a detailed nutrition plan, complete with suggested breakfasts, lunches and dinners.
“I don’t see the words ‘bacon’ or ‘bourbon’ anywhere,” I replied.
I could sense her rolling her eyes from here.
In reality, though, the program is full of foods that I do like. I do have to be careful to avoid pastas and potatoes and to eat more fruits for snacks instead of cookies. And when I go out, I have to be careful of portions.
A few days ago, Chelsea showed me the exercise regimen she wants me to complete three days a week. It looked simple enough until I tried the first exercises this morning. It was during the first set that I realized what Chelsea’s objective is.
I’m going to be so sore tomorrow that I won’t be able to get out of bed, which will significantly cut down on the number of calories that I can consume.
Hopefully, the exercises will get easier as I get stronger and begin to drop some weight. My goal is to lose 40 pounds by the time Chelsea leaves for Texas this summer.
Cross your fingers, and, if you are so inclined, say a little prayer. I may need them.
