Friday April 26th, 2024 8:12PM

The iPhone 7 ... with less than ever before!

By Bill Wilson Reporter

I guess that it’s a good thing that I’m less than enthusiastic about the iPhone 7.  I’ll be paying on my 6+ until spring of 2018.  But is it just me, or has Apple just lost its punch since Steve Jobs passed away?

I’ve been a Mac enthusiast for years, mostly because they’re more secure than PC’s.  I’ve had several Macbooks, ditto iPhones.  In fact, my 6+ sports more than 220 apps.  I think I may have a problem.  I haven’t gotten a tablet yet, and until the watches are as cool as the one Dick Tracy sported in the 30s, I’m going to hold off on those, too.  It seems to me that a lot of the really good ideas died with Jobs, when it comes to the updates.

I love the water resistant design.  I’ve lost my share of electronics due to an unfortunate introduction of moisture, and this innovation was a long time in coming.  But I was mildly irritated when, with the 5, they introduced a new charging port, making all of my old cables and accessories obsolete.  That’s why I held on to my 4s and skipped a generation.  Now, they’ve eliminated the headphone jack.  WHAT?  This is a bad, bad idea.

They say that this provides more space for inner workings, including a better battery.  And for just a hundred and fifty bucks, you can buy Apple wireless ear buds.  Great.  How many of THOSE can I lose in the course of a year?  There’s something about my earlobes that make them resistant to keeping earphones inside them.  Probably a defense mechanism.  Forget about working out with headphones on.  Add sweat to my earwax, and I excrete a substance more slippery than a Wells Fargo credit card.  I also have an apartment full of furniture that is forever hungry for my multiple remotes (see earlier column), and would just love to snack on a few pairs of these.  And of course, all of my accessories that work using a headphone jack … well, they become paperweights, too.

Ah, but wait!  Embrace Bluetooth technology!  I’ve tried that too.  I picked myself up a brick.  Honest, that’s what it calls.  A really nice sounding speaker that operates wirelessly, as long as you don’t take it into a separate room from its source.  Then it INSTANTLY begins breaking up. There is a greater danger of me in a vehicle-related incident with my in-car Bluetooth device than there would EVER be in a texting-related problem.  These things are just so skittish and temperamental.  And for those of you who sport the little Bluetooth phones at Walmart?  Bully for you, but you still look like a psychopath when you’re yelling at an invisible stockbroker in the bread aisle.

The other day I downloaded the new IOS 10 for my phone, and I don’t know … it looks slick and all, but I’m not sure how everything works anymore.  And I have always suspected that there are things that I could be doing with my phone that I just had no knowledge about.  Do I slide this right or left?  Do I click it?  Oh, damn.  Somebody’s calling.  NOW what do I do?

So go ahead and keep your iPhone 7, Tim Cook.  I wish you well with it.  I’ll learn your new operating system, continue paying for my 6+ and wait for the 8, which probably WILL be pretty cool, since it marks the tenth anniversary of the iPhone.  I understand that ONE neat feature will be the ability to automatically drain the bank accounts of all current Apple customers of $700, saving us the inconvenience of making us decide if we really want one.

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