Remember when you used to go out to eat and there was always a question the hostess asked you before she took you to your table.
“Smoking or no smoking?”
They don’t ask that question any more. Restaurants don’t have smoking sections these days. We know now that smoking is bad for your health and so you can’t smoke cigarettes at the same time you eat your dinner. That’s for your health and the health of the other diners sitting around you.
I don’t have a problem with the decision to ban smoking in restaurants. You want to smoke? Knock yourself out. You know the dangers. But I don’t want to inhale your second-hand smoke while I enjoy my bacon double cheeseburger.
Now I can hear the smokers now. “I know what the cigarettes are doing to your lungs. But do you know what the bacon double cheeseburgers are doing to your arteries?”
Well, yes, I do. But you don’t get clogged arteries just from sitting in the booth next to you while I enjoy my meal. Besides, it probably won’t be long until the do-gooders force restaurants to replace bacon double cheeseburgers with tofu and sprouts, so I’m going to enjoy all the bacon double cheeseburgers I can while I can.
Of course, it the do-gooders really want to do something, they’d start creating separate sections in restaurants for people with other annoying habits.
- Loud-talking vs. non-loud-talking. How many times have I been sat next to table where one of the people constantly talked like they were delivering a speech at a Trump rally? Usually by the end of dinner, I know more about that person that I ever wanted to know, including the fact that his mother never taught him how to behave in public.
- Soup-slurping vs. non-soup-slurping. How hard is it to eat a bowl of soup? It’s a challenge for some folks, who fill their spoons too full, then suck it into their mouths a little at a time. The accompanying noise is both annoying and crude. Just hope the soup slurper isn’t also a loud talker.
- Gum-chewing vs. non-gum-chewing. I don’t have a problem with people chewing gum. I enjoy gum. But why do some gum chewers make obnoxiously loud chewing noises? Milly, the liver and white springer spaniel who lives at my house, makes less noise chewing her kibble than some gum chewers. Put them in their own section, away from me, and they can make as much noise as they want to make.
- Affection-displaying vs. non-affection-displaying. Get a room and order room service.
- Screaming-baby vs. non-screaming-baby. I love kids. Honestly. But do parents really think a restaurant full of people who came out for nice meal want to hear their kid screaming bloody murder? Many of the people there probably hired a babysitting so they could get away from a screaming kid. Would it kill you to be considerate of others and take the little monster outside until he calms down?
- Healthy-eaters vs. non-healthy-eaters. I hate the way people who eat kale and hummus and organic vegetables look down their noses at folks who like a good steak and a baked potato. I eat lots of salads, and thanks to my mother, I love vegetables. But occasionally, I want to indulge.
Put the healthy eaters in a room by themselves so I can eat my bacon double cheeseburger in peace.
