ABC Performs its Own Extreme Makeover

Mired in fourth place, ABC needed to go to desperate measures. To wit, they jettisoned much of their senior staff and started from scratch less than a month ago, giving them mere weeks to cobble together a fall lineup.

This was no laughing matter, so, as a result, there will be fewer ABC comedies next year. Gone laffers include "The Big House," "I'm With Her," "It's All Relative," "Life with Bonnie" and "Married to the Kellys." Not a lot to mourn here, although "Bonnie" and the "Kellys" both received high marks on a recent report card from Parents for Quality Television as programs the family can watch together safely.

ABC also cleaned house of the dramas "The D.A.," "10-8," "Karen Sisco" (don't get me started), "L.A. Dragnet," "Line of Fire," "The Practice," "Stephen King's 'Kingdom Hospital'," and "Threat Matrix."

Disney sticks to Saturday nights. On Sundays, "America's Funniest Home Videos" returns for the one zillionth season, leading into "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." Then Felicity Huffman and Teri Hatcher headline the serial "Desperate Housewives" until "Alias" returns in January to run repeat-free. "Fleet Street" is the "Practice" spin-off starring James Spader and William Shatner as attorneys in a high-priced Boston law firm.

Monday nights belong to "The Benefactor," as sixteen contestants compete for a million dollars from the owner of the Dallas Mavericks. "Monday Night Football" follows. In January, after MNF, it's a movie leading into "Grey's Anatomy," a medical drama following female medical interns.

On Tuesdays, "My Wife & Kids" and "George Lopez" move to a new night, and "Rodney," a vehicle for standup comedian Rodney Carrington leads out of "According to Jim." At 10, "NYPD Blue" will air its final season uninterrupted by repeat broadcasts until January, when the boys in blue make way for Steven Bochco's new drama series "Blind Justice," about a visually impaired cop.

On Wednesday, "The Bachelor" will be sandwiched between J.J. Abram's new drama "Lost," detailing the trevails of plane crash survivors as they build a life for themselves on a deserted island, and "Wife Swap," an Americanized British game show in which domestic goddesses from two families switch households.

On Thursday nights, "Extreme Makeover" leads into teen angst drama "Life as We Know It" and "Primetime."

And the new TGIF lineup consists of the resilient "8 Simple Rules," Mel Gibson's "The Savages," starring Keith Carradine as a single father of five, "Hope & Faith" and "Less Than Perfect."

On the WB, "Steve Harvey's Big Time" becomes a more traditional variety show in its new time slot, Ed Sullivan's by the way, Sunday nights at 7. After "Charmed" comes "Jack and Bobby," a coming-of-age drama about two young men, one of whom becomes President. Oh, yes, and they're NOT the Kennedys. Okay.

The network stands pat on Mondays and Tuesdays, with the returns of "7th Heaven," "Everwood," "Gilmore Girls" and "One Tree Hill."

Wednesdays, after "Smallville," comes "Blue Collar TV." A Jeff Foxworthy monologue sets up a half hour's worth of comic vignettes around a central topic. The show, featuring Foxworthy's Blue Collar Comedy Tour pals, is produced in Atlanta.

Next up, improv comedy with "Drew Carey's Green Screen Show."

The suicide Thursday slots go to Shaun Cassidy's new ski resort soap "The Mountain," already being referred to in the industry as "The Snow-C." Next, it's Michael Davies' new reality/game show hybrid, "Studio 7."

On Friday nights, "Commando Nanny," based on "Survivor" guru Mark Burnett's first job after returning from military service, believe it or not, is comfortably interred amidst returning comedies "What I Like About You," "Reba" and "Grounded for Life."

Finally, a quick note on the passing of Tony Randall ...

A true class act, Randall's work as Felix Unger will be spotlighted Thursday night, May 20th, beginning at 9pm as TV Land handpicks six of the best episodes of "The Odd Couple," including Felix and Oscar's forays on "Password" and "Let's Make a Deal." Now if only we can get them to bring the REAL OC back to the lineup ...