Print

The pros and (mostly) cons of sheltering in place

Posted 9:46AM on Monday 6th April 2020 ( 4 years ago )

Diary of a man sheltering in place, Day 1:

7:43 a.m. – I wake up full of excitement. I realize that, without any distractions, I can get a lot of stuff done today. 

8:02 a.m. – Milly, the liver and white springer spaniel who lives at my house, and I set off on our morning walk. I’m also mentally making an ambitious to-do list.

8:54 a.m. – I put on a pot of coffee, then make a ham, cheese and green pepper omelet. I cut up some fresh fruit as a side. It’s a pretty day, so I sit outside on the deck and enjoy the view of the lake.

9:45 a.m. – I think I’ll clean the house. I’ll start with vacuuming.

9:46 a.m. – I get the vacuum out of the closet.

9:56 a.m. – After staring at the vacuum for, like, 10 minutes, I ask myself, “Why do I need to vacuum? It’s not like anyone’s coming over.”

9:59 a.m. – The vacuum is unplugged and back in the closet, where it by god belongs.

10:10 a.m. – I put the first load of clothes in the washing machine. I figure I can have this chore done in a couple of hours. 

10:15 a.m. – I turn on the TV. Great news. A Sandra Bullock marathon in on. First up, “Miss Congeniality.” I settle in to watch. I mean, if I’m going to shelter in place, I might as well do it with my pretend girlfriend, yes?

11:30 a.m. – “While You Were Sleeping,” one of my favorite Sandra movies, comes on. I realize I probably won’t get much done today.

12:24 p.m. – I pop a bag of popcorn for lunch. It’s a nutritious meal, I tell myself, because corn, after all, is a vegetable, right?

2:23 p.m. – I remember the clothes in the washing machine. I move them to the dryer and put a second load in the washer. I tell myself, “Don’t forget about them this time.”

3:05 p.m. – I stretch out on the sofa for a quick nap and stare at the ceiling. I notice a bunch of cobwebs in the corner. I really should get the broom out and knock those down.

3:07 p.m. – Nah, those cobwebs have probably been there for weeks. Make a mental note to stop looking at the ceiling.

4 p.m. – The Sandra marathon is over. I think I’ll check out my DVD collection.

4:02 p.m. – You know, I really should organize all these DVDs. 

4:05 p.m. – Nobody watches DVDs anymore, anyway. Turn on Netflix.

5 p.m. – Cocktail hour. Say what you want about sheltering in place, but I’m proud to live in a state that considers liquor stores an essential business.

6:06 p.m. – I look in the refrigerator to see what I can cook for dinner. Some leftover barbecue chicken looks good. Maybe with some roasted broccoli and a nice spinach salad.

6:07 p.m. – Do I really want to cook?

6:08 p.m. – Ain’t nobody want to cook in a quarantine. I order delivery from Outback.

9:05 p.m. – I catch the episode of “Seinfeld” where Jerry’s girlfriend pretends to be his wife so she can get a discount at the dry cleaners. That’s when I remember the clothes in the washing machine and the dryer. Screw it. I got two weeks to deal with that.

11:43 p.m. – I get in bed, turn out the lights. I think to myself, “This is going to be a long two weeks.”

 

http://accesswdun.com/article/2020/4/893048/the-pros-and-mostly-cons-of-sheltering-in-place

© Copyright 2015 AccessNorthGa.com All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed without permission.