I’ve made no secret of the fact that I hate winter. I hate the cold. I hate the snow. I hate the ice.
I don’t know how people live in places like Syracuse and Buffalo. Actually, I do know how. They spend winters in places like Sarasota and Boca.
After a particularly bad winter here a few years ago, I made a solemn vow that if the good Lord would just let the six inches of snow and ice melt, I would never complain about hot weather again.
And I intend to stick to that.
Unfortunately, my friends can’t stop complaining. We’ve had a couple of weeks of hot, dry weather and the whining is at an all-time high.
“It’s so hot out I could fry an egg on the hood of my car,” one friend said.
Wow. That’s original. Never heard that.
“I feel like a baked potato,” complained another friend, who had walked all of 30 feet from the comfort of her air-conditioned car to the comfort of her air-conditioned office.
It was particularly hot this weekend, with highs in the upper 90s, which is a little unusual for North Georgia. But until I’m able to teach Milly, the liver and white springer spaniel who lives at my house, to use the toilet, I have to periodically go outside.
We spent Saturday morning – before it got too hot; it was only in the upper 80s – at a park on Lake Lanier. We went for a nice walk, and then Milly cool off with a swim in the lake.
Hopefully, the heat will break. Hopefully, we’ll get some rain.
In the meantime, there are a few things we can do to stay cool.
For instance, don’t go outside. This is the biggest mistake people make in a heat wave. They go outside. Don’t. Outside is where the heat is.
Stay inside. Inside is where you can get air conditioning and ice and, if you’re lucky, a cold beer or two.
“But,” I hear you saying, “I have to go outside to get to work.”
So don’t go to work. They say you shouldn’t do strenuous activities in the heat. Work is strenuous. Don’t go. Call in sweaty.
If you absolutely must go ahead, like because your dog hasn’t been out since last night and he’s sitting at the door whimpering, don’t stay long. When you come back inside, immediately stick your head under the faucet. If you’re still hot when you dry off, repeat.
Another thing you can do is turn off the TV weather forecasters. They live for extreme weather. Weather forecasters love to talk about the “heat index,” or how hot it feels outside.
“We’ll have a high today of 98, but it will feel more like 105,” the weatherman will say.
I think this is some kind of voodoo weather forecasters have come up with to get more air time. How can it feel like something it isn’t? It can’t possibly feel like 105. You know why? Because it’s only 98.
I know psychologically that 105 sounds so much hotter than 98, but it really isn’t. Ninety-eight is plenty hot. I don’t need the weather people embellishing that fact.
The best way to deal with the heat, though, is to just accept it. It won’t last forever, global warming notwithstanding. Winter will be here before you know it.
Then we can all complain about how cold it is.
http://accesswdun.com/article/2016/6/415581/not-that-im-complaining-but-its-hot