A Crying Shame...But Not a Shame to Cry

Children cry a lot! Sometimes they cry when they are sad. Sometimes they cry when they are hurt. And sometimes they cry when they think it will prevent, or at least shorten, the time of their pending sadness or pending hurt. I believe that this is what adults refer to as child psychology. Children may not have a name for it, but they are very proficient in the practice. For children, tears are a powerful tool. Crying is acceptable for children, but not so much for adults. And, some would say that the female population has somewhat mastered this emotion to their benefit as well. But, for men there are few passes to this display of emotions.<br /> <br /> Men are typically just not viewed very favorably when they begin to shed tears. It is seen as a sign of weakness. I've never been much of a crier. While familiar with the process, I can count the number of times that I have cried, as an adult, on one hand. I was raised in a small town in Georgia; the son of a police officer and a mom who wasn't particularly impressed with what was most often faux tears. There just wasn't a whole lot of crying in our house. Maybe we should have cried more; but we didn't. As I grew up, I can recall several incidents where crying would have been an understandable reaction, deserving of tears, but even with those I don't recall any serious eye dabbing to speak of. After having become a police officer myself, the window for tear shedding suddenly slammed shut. There just wasn't a good place or time for sobbing.<br /> <br /> I had not really given much thought to this obvious water shortage in my life until the recent display of what seemed like an endless supply of tears from Speaker of the House John Boehner. After a couple of these incidents I literally shouted out, even though no one was around to hear me, "for goodness sake man, buck up." As Tom Hanks once said in the movie A League of Their Own, "there ain't no crying in baseball." And surely, there ain't no crying in politics, especially from a tough guy like Boehner. Are you kidding me? Boehner is a no nonsense cigarette smoking, middle aged, tall and tanned Republican who is leading the legislative body of the free world. But there he was, for all of the world to see, sniffling and snorting like a farmer picking onions. It just didn't seem right.<br /> <br /> I, like many others, thought that he was probably practicing his own version of child psychology, adult style, and was looking for a little compassion when all other emotional appeals had been exhausted. People are out of patience, sympathy or empathy, and other than a bountiful supply of anger, I suppose that tears were all that were left. Probably not a terrible strategy. Hey, it worked when we were five. Maybe the old magical combination of tears and good results could happen again.<br /> <br /> But, after seeing more and more exhibitions of Boehner crying, it occurred to me that perhaps he was not faking it at all. He was truly an emotional person whereby tears were a part of his emotions, whether he liked it or not. He showed no apparent signs of embarrassment despite some pretty rough comments from the peanut gallery about his manhood. His wife has stated that he cries often. I began to look at this issue a bit deeper. Had I been wrong about this for all of these years? Could one cry, even in public, and still be considered a strong alpha male leader type that we, as males, have always thought we should be? He sure seems to be strong in his positions, his politics, his family, and his basic belief system that leads his life. He just cries. He cries a lot. After much contemplation and personal soul searching, I am thinking that it is time for me to reevaluate my stance on this position. Maybe it is okay for men to cry.<br /> <br /> I thought of things that had occurred to me over the years that did not make me cry, but I think it was because I choked back the tears. They have always been there; I just refused to let them come out. As I have become older, it seems that situations that might call for a tear or two are more plentiful than ever. For instance, anything that my daughter does, good or bad, gets me a bit misty. My wife and all that she has done to influence my life for the good is a prime candidate for a good nose blowing. Memories from my childhood, and the wonderful parents that I had, and still have, can get me sniffily. Movies, that spotlight relationships between fathers and their daughters, can leave me in a mess. There are plenty of things out there that can literally, as they say, cause a grown man to cry. And I have decided from this point on, when those situations arise I will not choke back a single tear. As Bob Barker used to yell to his contestants, "come on down!"<br /> <br /> Now I'm sure that there are other men who are not so quick to subscribe to my new way of thinking as it relates to this topic. That whole weakness thing, or as other people perceive that whole weakness thing, is a tough one to walk away from. And that's okay too. But one day each of us will look back and realize the opportunities that not only called for, but deserved their share of tears. We never back away from an opportunity to laugh, to shout, or display the ample amounts of emotion that God has given us. A tear or two makes us no weaker. In fact, some will say that it makes us stronger.<br /> <br /> For those old schoolers, who would rather die than cry, I can already hear their shouts of, "it's a crying shame what we as men have become." Well maybe it is a crying shame, but I'm no longer convinced that it's a shame to cry. Thanks for the heads up John Boehner. I feel better already. For crying out loud, I've got your back on this one.<br /> <br /> Stan L. Hall<br /> <br /> If you would like to have Stan speak at your next group event, please send your requests to [email protected]<br /> <br /> The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and are not those of the Gwinnett District Attorney's Office.

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