In all fairness, I'd like to point out that she snuck up on me. Having worked hard all day to avoid the detection of chores, I was cooling my checker jets on the couch when she presented herself, and challenged me to a game. There was no warning whatsoever that I was about to be engaged by a bloodthirsty checker demon set out on dominion of the entire checker universe - wherever that is.
"This will be easy," I mumbled to myself. "I'll crush her in a matter of minutes, destroy her self confidence, let her win the second game as a consolation prize, and then take a well earned nap." That way, she'd think twice about ever disturbing her Dad while he's goofing off.
But somehow, things went wrong. While I was coasting through the match, she was taking a cutthroat Machiavellian approach to a simple game of checkers. Before I knew what was happening, she had kinged all her players and had backed me into a very embarrassing corner of utter humiliation and defeat.
Then, to top it off, she didn't even bother to dance around and hoot and holler like Muhammad Ali. Instead, she just sat there looking cute as she sweetly asked me if we could play another game. I guess that's was what made the whole thing so scary - she was toying with me like a black widow spider.
That, of course, made me more determined than ever to crush the checker life out of her. "Sure," I said casually, faking a yawn while simultaneously cracking all the knuckles in my hands and feet. "I guess I have time for one more. Then, I'll be ready for a victory nap."
"Okay," she smiled, "I'll let you go first this time."
Leaving nothing to chance, I employed my standard checker dominance plan. But in the middle of my "Patton Takes Europe" thrust into enemy territory, she pulled off a triple jump, and in the process left my strategy in shambles. That's when I had to resort to Plan B.
First, I tried some idle checkers trash talk. "So, kid, how long you been pretending to play checkers?"
"Since this morning," she offered. "I learned from Mom." That's when it suddenly came clear. It was yet another part of the Greater Sisterhood Conspiracy.
"So, did she tell about all the rules?"
"I think so. Why?"
"Well, this is a complicated game with lots of hard rules. In fact, there's a rule that says that once you jump your father three times, you can't jump anymore for the rest of your checkers career." Sure, I was about to cheat in order to defeat my eight year old daughter in a simple game of checkers. But, hey, it's a mean old checker world out there, and I didn't want her to get hurt.
"Yeah," she said looking non-fazed. "Mom told about that one. She said that it's totally bogus and that you tried it on her while you two were dating." With that, she squashed me like a bug again. As she was putting the game away, she told me, "Oh yeah, Mom told me to tell you that you need to get off the couch and start on your chores after I get through beating you."
The conspiracy is so much larger and far more reaching than I ever imagined. Not only that, but I'm afraid it's going to be a very long fatherhood, too.
http://accesswdun.com/article/2005/6/133110