As an adult, I have found many similar in this philosophy with so many aspects of my life. But, I have seen nothing that shows a more comparable example than what we see with our children. I was recently at a seminar where the speaker was touting statistics concerning violent activity. The results showed alarmingly high statistics concerning children who had been raised in abusive homes or homes where violence was present. The study that was being referred to offered proof that the majority of adult offenders, concerning offenses such as domestic violence, child molestation, other sexual offenses, and alcohol-drug related offenses, were introduced to these types of activities as a young child. As you can imagine, some of these offenders were in fact previous victims of the same type of offenses that they were charged with, others were simply raised in an environment where the activity was present.
These people had watched for many years as their fathers abused their mothers, both physically and verbally, where sexual abuse was an expected behavior that they were required to participate in, and where drug and alcohol abuse was common by one or both parents. Many examples of non-functional families were offered as a root cause concerning the eventual outcome whereby one of these children grew up to continue a cycle of behavior that was all that they have ever known. Some of the offenders were second or third generation offenders, all of whom had been victimized by the crimes that they were now convicted of. A process of rationalizing, where the offender has never known another way of life, serves as justification of their criminal acts.
As someone who has been in law enforcement for many years, I am a slow convert to the numerous theories that are offered concerning someone's reason for committing crime. One can find a disorder, a syndrome, or an offer of cause for anything that you can imagine. I must admit that anytime these pre-cursors for innocence are requested, it is all that I can do to keep my eyes from rolling completely out of their sockets. But, as this speaker continued to offer proof of how damaging it can be to a child who lives in a home of irrational behavior, it was clear to me that we must at least admit the viability of the study. As a result, I began to think about the many cases that I have been involved in regarding these types of offenses and I was reminded of stories, as well as, interviews with parents, where it does seem that they were not exactly shocked as to the nature of the crime.
I remember a story of a woman who had been verbally abused for years. Most women would not allow this abuse to take place for an extended period of time. However, I recall her saying, "well at least he doesn't hit me like my father hit my mother." In her mind, she felt like it simply was not all that bad. It is difficult to imagine living your whole life with those types of comparisons. Things that most of us consider horrendous are just "not that bad" based on what some of these people have been through.
As with the analogy of good farming, we must tend to these precious seeds from the beginning. We can not be surprised when our seeds grow into verbally abusive people that yell at their spouses each night in front of their children. We can no longer be shocked when our children end up as alcohol or drug abusers when both substances can be found very easily in their own homes. We have no choice but to accept this responsibility of stable and healthy homes if we have already accepted the responsibility to be parents. A small seed will continue to grow, with or without proper tending. But, even as the untended seed produces fruit, it is likely that it will live a bitter taste in our mouth for many years.
Stan Hall is the Director of the Victim Witness Program for the Gwinnett County District Attorney's Office. He is also the host of the Gwinnett County Communication Network's television show "Behind the Badge."
http://accesswdun.com/article/2003/5/178399