When parents mistakenly assume, however, that they must do everything, tension and unhappiness follow. Ironically, what kids need most are reasonably relaxed parents who can enjoy the festivities with them. If you want to change the pattern so you and your family get the holiday you deserve, here are some common stressors and some simple tips about how to avoid them:
Don't be so busy you neglect your kids. Between the demands of work, travel, family reunions, meal preparation, and yes-sports, many of us do not give enough time to our kids during the holidays.
·Slow down and reconnect. Your children need 10 minutes of uninterrupted attention, from each parent each day. As soon as you get together at the end of the day, put everything else on hold. Kids need to reconnect and so do you. Sit down on the couch, give them an extra hug, and just listen to whatever they have to say. If you promised to read a story to a child, now is the time to do it.
·Simplify whatever you can. Make your meals simple, but nutritious. On really busy nights, how about just opening several cans of soup and making toast? No law says a family must have meat, starch and veggies every evening of the week!
·Get kids into the kitchen. Whenever you can, find a way to include your kids in cooking, especially when guests are coming. Participating in the preparations will make them feel that they are the hosts along with you, and they'll feel even more hospitable toward the guests when they arrive. If your children are old enough, help them develop a specialty-such as a good dip or chocolate brownies. Then they can say they've made it themselves. You may be spending too much time away from home. Perhaps your schedule demands you work many evenings-and then there are those office parties. In addition, there's all that shopping to do.
·Tell your kids you miss them. Kids need to know that you feel bad when you've had to spend so much time away. If it's urgent that you be involved in these activities, explain why and promise you'll find some special time for them on the weekend.
·Observe the rule of two. When you're planning your holiday calendar, keep in mind that it's best to accept a maximum of two obligations a week that take both you and your partner away from the kids. They may tolerate your absence for two nights, but change it to three, and it will be much more difficult.
·Savor the upcoming traditions. Set your priorities and don't get lost in trivia. Keep your family rituals sacrosanct, even if it means missing the neighbors' caroling party or a dinner with out-of-town friends. Take the time you need to truly enjoy the meaningful rites your kids look forward to all year. The kids get tired and grumpy. It's hard to keep kids from getting so wound up they can't settle down when it's time to go to sleep. After all, there's excitement in the air. Their friends are in a frenzy of anticipation, and the feeling is catching.
·Stick to their schedules as much as you can. Try to get the kids up in the morning and to bed at night at their regular hours. Keep mealtimes more or less the same as often as possible. This will help kids stay calm.
·Lower your standards. That will reduce your anxiety. If your kids eat too much candy, or miss two hours sleep one night, ultimately, it doesn't matter.
·Hang onto small rituals. When the kids do go to bed late, take time for the little rituals that make them feel secure. It's OK to skip the bath-but don't skip the bedtime story and the hugs and kisses! Expectations can be too high. Prepare for some disappointment. Sometimes, no matter how you've tried to keep your children's expectations from soaring out of sight, they'll find themselves let down over some aspect of the holidays.
·Be empathetic. Say you know they felt bad not to get the bike they wanted, or that the party they looked forward to wasn't really much fun. Let them complain and don't try to talk them out of their feelings. They just need our sympathy.
·Offer a substitute that satisfied them-your undivided attention. Most children cheer up instantly when they hear the words, "Let's try out the hockey game you got," or "Let's see how your new kitchen works." If parents sit down and play with their children for an hour, that gift of time probably will make up for any disappointment.
·Don't be hurt by your own expectations. We all have fantasies of how magical the holidays will be. The fact is they hardly ever live up to our dreams. Don't expect your family to appreciate all the effort you put into making the holidays special. Even the gifts that you receive may be disappointing. Try to be philosophical-be glad for the things that go right, and count your many blessings.
Debbie Wilburn is County Agent/Family and Consumer Science Agent with the Hall (770)535-8290 and the Forsyth (770)887-2418 County Extension Service.
http://accesswdun.com/article/2003/2/183304