But then it happened. It was so unexpected that I shared it with an old friend of mine at our favorite watering whole.
"Did you see the game on Sunday?," Dirk asked.
Before he started to complain about the officiating and play calling, I explained about taking my three daughters to the ballet. He smiled ever so slightly, enjoying the fact that he had gone his whole life without having to wear a tie and watch a bunch of people priss around in tights. "Tough break. It was a great game," he said.
"I'm not really that big a fan of ballet," I pointed out just a little defensively. "I don't understand all the rules. But the wife was busy so I agreed to take them." He nodded sympathetically, so I continued, "I've been to the Nutcracker a time or two on dates, but this was different. It was a troupe straight out of New York."
"Oh, yeah," he acknowledged, the smile growing into a slightly suspicious frown.
"Of course, the girls all fell asleep within the first ten minutes and I ended up watching the whole thing alone."
"Aww, man, you poor guy," he sympathized. "But you were trapped. Nothing to be ashamed of there."
At that point, I could have dropped it. He understood that I was blameless. But I couldn't let it go. I just blurted it out without realizing what I was doing. "It was really very moving. The music was well choreographed, and the bonding of male and female spirits was just spellbinding. I was exhausted before it was all over. It was so emotive."
Dirk had a stunned look on his face. And he was shifting in his chair wondering if I might be contagious or something. After a second or two, he leaned his head and squinted at me like maybe I was some type of invertebrate swamp creature that he had never seen before slithering on the ground right in front of him. It was almost like he was considering whether he should smush it with his boot or just go around it.
Finally, I broke the silence, "I'm morphing, aren't I?"
"No, no, you're okay man, you just need a little readjustment. You know, a hunting trip or a golf outing. Maybe even something as simple as changing the oil in your truck. It's no big deal, you're just living with too many women. You'll snap out of it. Really."
"I'm not sure I can hold out. There are four of them you know. They have forces we men know nothing about." I guess I was starting to sound a little desperate because he started to look at his watch and fidget.
Suddenly, he finished his beer, and he mumbled he had to leave. "I promised my son that we'd finish welding our monster mud racer," he said as he pushed on the door. Then he stopped and called back, "Hey come play poker with the guys next Tuesday if you get a chance."
I nodded and managed a weak smile. There was no way I'd be able to make that game, I thought to myself. I'd already promised the girls I'd stay home with them and watch television. There's a special on the Home and Garden Channel. It's a documentary on "Curtains From Around The World".
Oh, well, at least I'll get some ideas on a nice floral pattern for the bedroom.
http://accesswdun.com/article/2002/2/198321