Let's consider an example. You're having morning coffee with a neighbor when your child rushes in to tell you something that is important to her. Since she's not yet a fluent speaker and she's speaking in a hurry, you don't know what she's trying to tell you.
First, let's talk about what to do:
(1) Echo what she has said as best you can and replace the part you can't understand with one of the "wh" words. For example: Youngster: "Sam broke too me ever." Parent: "Sam broke what?"
(2) Assure her that you truly understand her feelings (even if you do not understand her speech). Reflecting her feelings back to her is very reassuring to a child and helps her develop self-confidence.
None of us ever outgrows the basic need for emotional support. For a child, this can be expressed by a hug or a squeeze accompanied by some simple feedback: "I know you are upset right now. I understand how you feel. Let's sit down and talk about it."
Treating your child as an individual with her own personal dignity will enable her to overcome her feelings of helplessness or inadequacy. It is also the best way to help her gain self-confidence and thereby build a positive self-concept.
Now, let's talk about what not to do.
(1) Don't belittle the child with criticism by saying, for example, things like this: "Who can understand you when you talk like that?"
(2) Don't threaten her. "If you don't talk better, I'll have to send you to your room."
(3) Don't bribe her. "If you say it nicely, you can have a cookie."
(4) Don't command her. "Say it properly so we know what you mean."
(5) Don't overprotect her. "You poor girl-you haven't yet learned to talk."
Debbie Wilburn is County Agent/Family and Consumer Science Agent with the Hall (770)535-8290 and the Forsyth (770)887-2418 County Extension Service.
http://accesswdun.com/article/2002/10/188369