Thursday March 28th, 2024 6:11AM

Check the gas gauge

Back in the post-Depression days, America seemed to have larger-than-life criminals — John Dillinger, Baby Face Nelson, Al Capone — who, through portrayals of them on TV and in movies, have become almost legendary figures.

They went on elaborate crime sprees, and they spent years running from police.

Today’s criminals aren’t likely to achieve such status. Today’s criminals seem to go out of their way to make it easy for police to catch them.

I’m not suggesting that the criminal element be allowed to get away with their crimes or that police aren’t doing their jobs. After all, the police did eventually end the crime sprees of Dillinger, Nelson and Capone.

What this is about is dumb crooks. When I was a young reporter in Macon, I wrote stories about law enforcement seizing large amounts of drugs and cash from cars they stopped on Interstate 75. Each of the cases had things in common. In each case, police arrested two or more men driving a sporty little number at 100 mph down the interstate.

How stupid can criminals be? Driving a sports car really fast is a pretty good way to draw the attention of a law enforcement official, don’t you think?

But criminals often aren’t very bright. And I love stories about dumb criminals.

To wit, three men were arrested recently for stealing more than $700 worth of metal from a house. Police were able to easily catch them. The getaway car ran out of gas. In fact, the getaway car ran out of gas 100 yards from the scene of the crime.

I’ll be honest. I’ve never robbed anyone. I’ve never given serious thought to robbing anyone. But if I did, I’d like to think that one of the first items in my elaborate robbery scheme would be “Gas up the getaway car.”

Somehow I can’t picture Bonnie and Clyde forgetting to fill up before doing a bank job.

“There’s the bank over there, Bonnie. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go. … Oh, wait. We’re almost out of gas.”

“Dang it, woman, I told you to go to the filling station last night.”

And then there’s the story of the guy in a small town in Indiana who called 911 at 3 a.m. to demand that police bring him some cocaine. He was so insistent, in fact, that he called back two more times.

I can understand this. Small-town drug dealers probably aren’t like Walmart. They aren’t open 24 hours a day. When you need a fix in the middle of the night, it probably does qualify as an emergency. And who better to call, really, than the police? If they’ve been doing their jobs, they’ve probably got a nice stash in the evidence locker. 

The story didn’t say whether the man offered to pay for the drugs that he wanted police officers to deliver to him. It did say he threatened to rob a bank if they didn’t.

The police did show up at his house. Not with drugs, with an invitation to spend some quality time at the local jail.

Today, we have some of the best trained police in the world. And with the technological advancements in society, they have more tools than ever at their disposal to catch criminals.

So the criminals need to do their part. They should plan better. They should think through every aspect of their strategy. 

And, at the very least, they should check the gas gauge.

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