Monday was the dreaded April 15, Tax Day, and if you still haven’t managed to get that return in, don’t be surprised if a friendly government agent shows up to offer you a lovely vacation of three to five years in Leavenworth.
I filed my taxes in February because this year I somehow managed to finagle the system in such a way that I got a refund from the federal government, and I wanted Uncle Sam to give me my money back quickly.
If you are asking yourself, “What’s a refund check?” you are like millions of other Americans who waited until the last minute to file your tax return because you owe money. If you don’t believe me, just ask any accountant, if you can find one who isn’t still sleeping after working 22 hours a day helping all these folks who waited until the last minute.
I wish the whole system was easier. I mean, Uncle Sam gets a part of my salary every other week. Why doesn’t he just take what he’s entitled to then and leave me alone in April?
Congress did pass a tax overhaul bill last year, but I’ve heard from some friends who didn’t get the refunds they expected or, because of a change in allowable deductions, who actually paid more in taxes this year.
Really, if Congress wanted to make the tax system simpler, it could just jettison the long, convoluted forms the IRS uses today and replace it with a one-page, four-line form.
Line 1: How much money did you make last year?
Line 2: How much tax did we withhold from your paychecks last year?
Line 3: How much do you have left?
Line 4: Send it to us.
A form like this would keep us from having to search for deductions each year to reduce our tax liability. I usually can’t itemize, and I feel like I’m missing out on finding ways to save money. I wish the IRS would let us be more, shall we say, creative about our deductions.
For instance, you all know that a few years ago, I hired Chelsea the Trainer and began a nutrition and exercise regimen so I could lose 50 pounds, which I managed to do. But eating healthy is expensive. I spend a lot more time in the produce section of the grocery store and less time in the cookie aisle and let me assure you that broccoli and Brussels sprouts are pricier than Oreos and Chips Ahoy.
Plus, a few years ago, the federal government declared obesity is a medical condition, so I should legally be able to deduct the cost of food from my taxes as a medical expense. I’ll be fair about it. I won’t deduct the cost of the bacon cheeseburger on the days I cheat on the nutrition plan.
I’ve also considered deducting the cost of food, grooming and veterinary care for Milly, the liver and white springer spaniel who lives at my house. After all, I write about her often in this space, so clearly, she’s a business expense.
Of course, I’ve never actually put these deductions on a 1040 form for fear that the IRS would make me the aforementioned vacation offer in Leavenworth.
Still, I get frustrated by all the taxes I pay, and you probably do, too. But we really shouldn’t.
After all, have you ever noticed that when you put the words “The” and “IRS” together, it spells “theirs”?
