Thomas Jefferson dropped by my office the other day for a chat.
Yes, that Thomas Jefferson. Don’t judge. Some people claim to see UFOs. Others set up séances to connect with their late Aunt Hildegarde. I talk to the Founding Fathers.
It was wonderful opportunity to talk with one of the men who helped lay the cornerstone for this great country, especially as we prepare to celebrate our 239th birthday. But he was more interested in finding out from me about what had happened in the last 200 years.
“I’ve been a little out of touch,” he said.
I told him about the Mexican-American War. He was delighted to learn we had won it.
I also told him about Prohibition.
“Who in the world thought of THAT?” he asked.
I told him I wasn’t really sure.
“It was probably some of the church ladies,” he said. “Women. Ben actually wanted to give them the right to vote back in ’76, and we all had a big laugh about that.”
I thought I’d better drop that subject quickly, lest I be forced to explain Hillary Clinton. Besides, I don’t have a problem with women voting. They can’t possibly screw things up worse than us men have.
Jefferson asked me if we still elected good men to the presidency.
“Probably the best president of my lifetime was a man named Ronald Reagan. He was from out West,” I said.
“Kentucky?” he asked.
“No. California.”
“Cally who?”
“California. It was our 31st state.”
His eyes widened.
“There are 31 states now.”
“Actually, there are 50. A lot of them are in the area of the Louisiana Purchase that you helped orchestrate.”
“So America kept all that land? Groovy.”
I told Jefferson that America still made a big deal of the Fourth of July.
“The Fourth of July is still one of our biggest holidays, a day to honor the freedoms that you and other Founding Fathers envisioned for us with the Declaration of Independence,” I said.
The president seemed pleased.
“Many of us will spend the Fourth cooking burgers at a cookout or spending the day on the lake,” I told him. “And at the end of the day, people will come together to watch fireworks shows and listen to patriotic music.”
“Sounds wonderful.”
“It is. And we have unusual celebrations as well. For instance, on Coney Island, there’s a hot dog eating contest. Last year, the winner ate 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes.”
“So some people celebrate America’s independence by gorging themselves to the point of making themselves sick?”
“To each his own, I say, sir.”
Jefferson said he hoped the democracy he and his fellow Founding Fathers had envisioned was still going strong. I told him it was, but there were problems.
I told him people today seem more interested in finding someone whose opinion they can agree with than in studying both sides of an issue and reaching their own intelligent decisions.
“That’s a shame. Our republic needs for the people to be educated and informed.”
“I agree,” I said. “But how do you get people to realize that?”
“Trying telling them what ol’ Ben told the Continental Congress all those years ago. Tell them that if they make themselves sheep, the wolves will eat you.”
