Americans, myself included, are obsessed with losing weight. You can’t turn on the TV without seeing a celebrity in a commercial for one weight-loss plan or another promising to help you lose weight.
“I lost 50 pounds on Nutrisystem,” a smiling Marie Osmond says to the camera.
A few years ago, Oprah Winfrey lost something like 70 pounds on Weight Watchers. There was a guy on the “Today” show a week or so ago who has lost nearly 300 pounds on some fad diet.
And now, I’ve lost more than 40 pounds, thanks to Chelsea, the trainer who literally is working my butt off.
Together, the four of us have lost nearly 500 pounds, which bring up a terribly important question: Where does all that weight go?
I wonder if it goes to the same place that one sock always goes when you put it in the dryer.
What if all that weight evaporates into the atmosphere? We worry about what’s causing global warming. What if it’s all this accumulated fat hanging around in the upper atmosphere? What happens if so much weight is lost and all that fat ends up blocking out the sun?
Shoot, I’ve lost enough weight by myself to cause at least a partial eclipse.
I seriously doubt this theory is accurate. But what if the fat simply jumps from body to body? When I was a little boy, I was skinny as a rail. And just a few months ago, I had ballooned to 230 pounds. My doctor was concerned I had swallowed a Jeep.
A lot of people will probably say I was skinny as a child because I was outside and active all the time, and that I gained weight as an adult because the only time I was active was when I got off the sofa to get another bag of Doritos.
But what if my theory about fat jumping from body to body is accurate? It should be noted that before I gained most of my weight, I lived next door to a rather hefty man.
And then there’s this note. As you know, since January when I hired Chelsea, I have worked out three times a day. I have walked morning and night every day. And I completely changed the way I eat. As a result, I’ve most an unbelievable amount of weight in just three months and I now have a closet full of clothes that don’t fit me anymore.
But the weight I lost didn’t just disappear, it seems. A couple of days ago, I was with some friends.
“I’ve lost more than 40 pounds,” I proudly announced.
“No, you haven’t,” said a friend who is also struggling with her weight. “They’re not lost. I’ve found them.”
When I started this, I wanted to lose 40 pounds, which I’ve now done. But a few weeks ago, I moved the finish line. I’d really like to lose another 10 pounds so my clothes will fit better. So April will be all about those last few pounds and tone my core.
It will also mean another month to think about my theories on where all this fat I’m losing really goes. I’ll keep you posted on any new developments as I discover them.
To be honest, I don’t really know if any of these theories is accurate. But just in case, I’d like to apologize to the friend who got my lost 40 pounds.
