It seems everyone has the same question to ask this time of year, and I never seem to have a good answer.
“What do you want for Christmas?”
Lots of family members and friends have asked me that question over the last few weeks. The truth is, I don’t know what I want for Christmas.
Actually, that’s not completely true. What I really want is an all-expenses paid trip to the Rose Bowl. But since my last name isn’t Rockefeller and because no one I know has recently hit it big in the lottery, this one is probably not going to happen.
Therefore, I will be paying for this trip myself. Please include my savings account in your holiday prayers.
When I was a kid, it was easy to answer that question. One of the most exciting times before Christmas was the arrival of the Sears Roebuck Co. Wish Book, which was a giant catalog with page after page of every manner of toy and game imaginable. It was as if Santa Claus himself had put out a catalog.
I don’t recall whether the Wish Book included clothes because no kid in his right mind is going to ask for a shirt for Christmas when there’s a Big Wheel on page 132.
My brother Marvin and I used to take the Wish Book and circle all of the items that we wanted for Christmas. Of course, it would have been easier for us to just circle the few items we didn’t want, but we were young and not really interested in being efficient.
But these days, there’s nothing that I really want and nothing that I really need. I have great family and friends. I have a job I love. So I really don’t need people going out and buying things for me.
Still, if they are going to keep asking, I’d better have an answer. So here are a few things I’d like under the tree this year.
- A date with Sandra Bullock. If that can’t be arranged, I’d be willing to settle for a date with Jennifer Lawrence. Or Sophia Bush.
- My own bourbon distillery.
- My own tropical island. I’m always a little jealous when I read about some rich person who has bought his or her own island. I think having an island of my own would be great fun. I could make all the rules for my little kingdom, and it would be a great way to avoid folks who annoy me. I simply wouldn’t allow them on my island.
- A vehicle like George Jetson had. When I was a kid watching “The Jetsons,” I always assumed that by the time I got to be my age now, we’d all be zipping around in the air in one of these vehicles instead of being stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on I-85. Besides, how else am I going to get to my tropical island?
- I don’t want to leave Milly, the liver and white springer spaniel who lives at my house, out of the Christmas spirit. The Saks Fifth Avenue catalog – I don’t get a copy of it; I read about it in a news story – is offering a dog raincoat for $399 or a leather collar for $249.
- Tickets to any sporting events that I want to attend. Don’t bother with soccer tickets, though.
- Did I mention a date with Sandra Bullock?
- And finally, a year’s worth of column ideas. That might be the best gift ever.
